Its been a while since I have written in this blog. Not sure why. Perhaps I have been hoping that this problem would magically get better. But that is silly thinking isnt it? I have had this for my entire life. Why would it magically disappear? Well, I guess that is possible.
I have had things poof before. In fact, I cannot count the odd things that have happened in my life including physical things, that were there one day and then gone a day, or a few months later.
When I was a kid, I had Epilepsy. It was the mild kind. My doctor told me that my brain had a scratch on it. It jumped, like a broken record. When I grew up, I went to see another doctor to find out what was happening with me, as I was experiencing losses of time.
The doctor did an EEG and it came up clean. No sign on this scratch on my brain anymore. So weird things do happen in my life.
Now I am thinking that part or my issues are Depression related as well. Which came 1st, the chicken or the egg? Was the Depression caused by trying to deal with being an Avoidant? Or was the Avoidant caused by Depression?
I think the reason why I went into denial for so long, is that this is what us Christians do. We live in denial. As a Christian, we are taught that Jesus has provided our healing. So if we follow that logic; then to live as a Christian is to live a healed life. If I am not healed, then I must not be a Christian.
Yet I know that I am a Christian. But I am not healed of my being an Avoidant. How to I reconcile this?
The point is why have I been in denial? I convinced myself that since I am a Christian, I should be healed. I can live in denial for a little while, but sooner or later, reality is going to slap me back in the face. This is perhaps why we have so many Christian leaders that have fallen, and fallen hard.
Now I am not only dealing with by being an Avoidant, but also depression. My wife started me on Saint Johns Wart. Its supposed to be a natural way of enhancing ones mood (ie... dealing with depression)
No idea if it will work or not. Stay Tuned.
College starts in just a few weeks for me. I think it might be interesting to be a Depressed Christian with an Avoidant Personality that is studying the Bible at a Bible College.
There must be a book in there somewhere!
This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also srtuggling with this disorder or another like it.http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com
