Well, school is out for a few weeks. I did better in my classes that I expected. Between God, family, Classes, and a full time work schedule, it was quite the challenge at times.
I wish I could say that God has healed me from being an Avoidant and I am normal now, but I cant. Of course, what is really normal?
College was a struggle. I found it difficult to develop relationships. I did manage to make 1 or 2, but thats about it. It was also difficult because after class, I had to rush off and get to work.
I felt as if everyone in class was better than me. I felt as if everyone was watching me. I did not speak up in class much for fear of saying the wrong thing. I know many would just tell me to get over it cause its all in my head. Well, maybe they are not that far off. But to just "Get Over It" is not going to happen.
I have a few weeks until the semester starts up again. I am looking forward to it, but then again, I am not. I dont look forward to feeling like an outcast. I dont look forward to having no friends. I dont look forward to not being able to talk in class or feel "Normal".
I may start going to see a shrink. I am very skeptical about this, but at this point in my life, i am desperate. I think the best I can hope for from Shrinks is to help me deal with being an Avoidant a little better. But hey, Id take that.
Life is way too short to be this way. I wish I could just get over it!
This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder or another like it.http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com
