I got an email from someone today that wanted advice on how to deal with someone that is an Avoidant. The person is younger. I felt that I had to post my response to this email. The email said that she wanted to know how to make her son normal. This is my response to her.
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The first thing I would say is that if he is an Avoidant, he may never be "normal". Never of course meaning while we are here on earth. If you try to pressure him to be what you consider normal, you will just make it worse. You will drive him into seclusion and away from you.
Being a young Avoidant is in many ways worse than being an older one, like me. Because he has not yet learned how to deal with life, friends and school. Life is hard enough when you are normal. Pile onto that being an Avoidant and its down right impossible at times.
Of course, God can do all things. He can give us strength and healing. And God will indeed heal us. But that does not necessarily mean when that healing will come. We will all be healed once we are with him. I have been an Avoidant for a long long time. I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to deal with people.
It has been a long process of learning. You need to try to understand him. Going to college is probably scaring him to death. The thought of a bunch of strangers, strange subjects, strange teachers, and a strange environment.
Let me tell you a short story on my experience.
When I was younger, I was terrified of people. When I would go to the mall, it was like my mind was being pulled apart. I would try as best I could to scan everyone for potential threats. Everyone is a threat. There are simply levels of threats. Some pose worse threats due to them being bigger than me, smarter than me, older than me, or younger than me.
After about 10 minutes of this, I would begin to get physically ill. I had to leave.
My advice is to be patient. Then be patient some more. Going to college needs to be his decision. If you try to pressure him, he will resist and possibly resist hard. Even to the point of running away and in some extreme cases even trying to commit suicide. This is how dangerous this can be.
Dont push! Try to understand him. He wants this more than anything. Avoidants are desperately trying to find someone to understand them. Dont Judge him. Dont push him. Dont pressure him. You will just make things worse. If you are a Christian, pray and ask God to help you to understand him and love him the way that he needs to be loved.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
