I have Avoidant Personality (Avpd). That makes it a bit difficult to put myself in the shoes of someone that does not have this. Its the old story of walking a mile in another persons shoes. Often, we cant really understand what another person is going through until we have had the same problem.
Its the same with Avoidant Personality. I find it very hard to be able to figure out how "Normals" think, what they go through and what they have to put up with. Of course, we can turn that around on them and say the exact same thing. Few Normals can put themselves in the shoes of one that suffers from Avoidant Personality and be able to think like them, and empathize with them.
My wife is the exception to this. Well, at least to a point. I dont think its possible to completely get what its like living with Avoidant Personality. But, she is tries as best she can and I think she has picked up on a lot. Most of that insight came to her in the form of communication from God.
I am not sure its really possible to get this in any other way. Oh sure, one can learn what its like from books, from professionals and even in schools. But until you have had Avpd, its hard, if not impossible to really get it. The best way that a Normal can figure out what life is life to a Avpd is to learn it from God.
God can put it in your heart. God can give Normals the understanding and the empathy for Avoidants. Head knowledge is like the belt they wear in Martial Arts. The only thing a belt is good for is to hold up your pants. The only thing that Head Knowledge is good for is getting you a good paying job and maybe impressing people at parties.
All this to say that I want to understand Normals. No, thats not a trick question. I want to know what its like for a Normal that is trying to live with someone that has Avpd. What sort of questions would you ask a Normal that is trying as hard as they can, and either finding it very hard or right out failing, to be in a relationship with someone that has AvpD?
If we ask each other some honest questions, I think we can learn to understand each other. If we learn to understand each other, thats a good start toward being able to not only tolerate each other, but even having a successful relationship.
I have 3 things for you today.
#1 I set up a Facebook group for Avoidants and those that want to learn to live with someone that has this.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/AvoidantPersonality
#2 I have a web site, that is still being worked on. Eventually, I want to get all the info I can find on Avoidants, possible help for Avoidants, and help for those that are trying to be in a relationship with one.
http://avoidants.org
#3 Normals - If you have questions that you would like to ask someone that has Avpd, please send them to me, I will get them answered. Please let me know when you email if you do, or do not, wish me to use your question to help others. I respect your privacy and will never use your real name or contact info.
Avoidants - If you have questions that you would like to ask a normal, please send them to me and I will get them answered. Please let me know when you email if you do, or do not, wish me to use your question to help others. I respect your privacy and will never use your real name or contact info.
If we learn how the other ticks, we will making the 1st step toward understanding each other!
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Avoidant Personality
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Is there anyone out there?
I have been writing in my blog for several years now. Some days are good, some days are bad. The majority of them are just ok. My wife calls it "Living by Default" I might call it "Living on Auto Pilot"
Day after day after day is pretty much the same. I get up, I go to work, I get off work, eat supper and watch TV. Oh sure. I am a Pastor, but most days, I dont feel like one. In fact some days, I barely feel like a Christian or that I have any connection to God at all.
I probably should not say this, but I even wonder at times if he is even there. Rationally, intelligently, and logically, I know he must be there. To believe that this world, us, and the universe just poofed into existence without there being an intelligence behind it, is just plain nuts.
Of course there is a God. The question I ask, and I think most ask, at least at some point in their lives, is; "How much is God really involved in the day to day operation of our lives and this world?" I ask myself this question a lot.
I have not come up with a good answer for it. I say a good answer because I know the answer that I am leaning toward. This its not an answer that I think many are going to want to hear, or accecpt. And who knows, I could well be wrong. I have been wrong a lot in my life and I am sure, I will be wrong more in the days and years to come.
God is there. Sure he is. Thats a given, but just how much is he involved in our lives and in the lives of this world? Well, we are told that God has the very number of hairs on your head numbered? Really? Does God have nothing better to do than sit around and count the hairs on peoples heads?
Sounds pretty boring and monotonous to me. Of course these days, I seem to have a few less than I used to, so maybe it would not take that long. I think what God is trying to say here is that he cares. Im pretty sure that you would really have to care a lot about someone to take the time to count hairs on their body. I would not even do that for my wife!
So God cares! Well, duh...
This still does not tell me how much he is involved and how much he intervenes in our lives. The longer I live here in this earth, the more I think that we dont need God and Satan to make our lives better or worse. We do a pretty good job of that all by ourselves. I am sure that God and Satan applies influences at times, but for the most part, I think things in our lives and this world are on a sort of auto pilot.
Take that commercial that you see on TV. A gal parks her car on the side of a busy street and opens up her car door to get out. A car comes screaming by and takes her car door off its hinges. Now, was this Gods fault? Was this Satan's fault?
Sure God or Satan could have intervened and caused this car to come by just as she opened up her car's door, but chances are that neither of them had a thing to do with it. As humans, we do dumb things. This is the moral of that TV commercial.
We really don't need any help from either God or Satan to get us to do dumb things, we can do dumbness all by ourselves!
Its like that movie by Madia, I can do bad all my myself..
When God created the world, he set certain things in motion. He put rules, and principles in place to govern how to world, the universe, and us, work. Gravity for example. God does not wake up in the morning and say to himself; Darn, I forgot to turn gravity on today. People are starting to float away. I had better do something about that"
No, gravity just works. God does not have to do a cotton pickin thing for it to work. Another example are our hearts. God does not get up in the morning and say; "DagNabit, I had better turn on Sam's heart soon before the poor old guy falls over. I knew I was forgetting something". No, Sam's heart just works with no influence or action from Sam, God, Satan, or anyone else.
Lets take another example for example. I hate summer time. Always have. Every year comes along and I pray to God to please see me through another year of heat. I prefer the cold and I am not alone in this. But there are just as many people out there that are praying to keep summer around because they hate the cold.
What is God to do with prayers like this?
If God was to cancel Summer and move right to Winter, he is going to make enemies of the people that like to summer and are praying for it to stay. If God keeps summer going and cancels Winter, he makes enemies of the people that love the winter. So to make everyone happy, God stays out of it and is Neutral like Switzerland.
You can see the same in any good manager or business owner. Its not possible to make everyone happy, so the best course of action is usually to not even try. Just let things happen as they are going to happen. I think in many things in this world, the universe, and our lives, God takes the same stance of Neutrality.
God even tells us as much in Matthew 5:45 and in many other places. God is telling us that he does not take sides. That good things and bad things fall on both good and bad people. Its a bad idea to take sides. Same applies to people that have kids. Its a very bad idea to favor one child over the other. You just cant do something for 1 and not do it for the other. So often, its best to just stay neutral and let the chips fall where they will fall.
Sure, God gives favor to those that follow him. Psalm 84:11. But that favor does not mean that we will live a live with no pain, and no problems. In fact, God told us just the opposite. John 16:33 tells us that we will have trouble in this world. In fact, when we become Christians, we are going to face even more. 2 Timothy 3:12.
Am I saying that God does not care and he does not intervene when he can? Of course Im not. God cares and does take care of his Children. Often when you have a child, and that Child is in trouble, the best thing that you can do is nothing at all.
Sit back and let things just happen the way they were meant to happen. This is how we learn and grow. If God was to step in and take control of every little issue and problem that we faced and work it out for us, we would never learn how to do it ourselves!
So is God up there? Of course he is. But he often chooses not to interfere but just stay neutral. Its for our own good.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Day after day after day is pretty much the same. I get up, I go to work, I get off work, eat supper and watch TV. Oh sure. I am a Pastor, but most days, I dont feel like one. In fact some days, I barely feel like a Christian or that I have any connection to God at all.
I probably should not say this, but I even wonder at times if he is even there. Rationally, intelligently, and logically, I know he must be there. To believe that this world, us, and the universe just poofed into existence without there being an intelligence behind it, is just plain nuts.
Of course there is a God. The question I ask, and I think most ask, at least at some point in their lives, is; "How much is God really involved in the day to day operation of our lives and this world?" I ask myself this question a lot.
I have not come up with a good answer for it. I say a good answer because I know the answer that I am leaning toward. This its not an answer that I think many are going to want to hear, or accecpt. And who knows, I could well be wrong. I have been wrong a lot in my life and I am sure, I will be wrong more in the days and years to come.
God is there. Sure he is. Thats a given, but just how much is he involved in our lives and in the lives of this world? Well, we are told that God has the very number of hairs on your head numbered? Really? Does God have nothing better to do than sit around and count the hairs on peoples heads?
Sounds pretty boring and monotonous to me. Of course these days, I seem to have a few less than I used to, so maybe it would not take that long. I think what God is trying to say here is that he cares. Im pretty sure that you would really have to care a lot about someone to take the time to count hairs on their body. I would not even do that for my wife!
So God cares! Well, duh...
This still does not tell me how much he is involved and how much he intervenes in our lives. The longer I live here in this earth, the more I think that we dont need God and Satan to make our lives better or worse. We do a pretty good job of that all by ourselves. I am sure that God and Satan applies influences at times, but for the most part, I think things in our lives and this world are on a sort of auto pilot.
Take that commercial that you see on TV. A gal parks her car on the side of a busy street and opens up her car door to get out. A car comes screaming by and takes her car door off its hinges. Now, was this Gods fault? Was this Satan's fault?
Sure God or Satan could have intervened and caused this car to come by just as she opened up her car's door, but chances are that neither of them had a thing to do with it. As humans, we do dumb things. This is the moral of that TV commercial.
We really don't need any help from either God or Satan to get us to do dumb things, we can do dumbness all by ourselves!
Its like that movie by Madia, I can do bad all my myself..
When God created the world, he set certain things in motion. He put rules, and principles in place to govern how to world, the universe, and us, work. Gravity for example. God does not wake up in the morning and say to himself; Darn, I forgot to turn gravity on today. People are starting to float away. I had better do something about that"
No, gravity just works. God does not have to do a cotton pickin thing for it to work. Another example are our hearts. God does not get up in the morning and say; "DagNabit, I had better turn on Sam's heart soon before the poor old guy falls over. I knew I was forgetting something". No, Sam's heart just works with no influence or action from Sam, God, Satan, or anyone else.
Lets take another example for example. I hate summer time. Always have. Every year comes along and I pray to God to please see me through another year of heat. I prefer the cold and I am not alone in this. But there are just as many people out there that are praying to keep summer around because they hate the cold.
What is God to do with prayers like this?
If God was to cancel Summer and move right to Winter, he is going to make enemies of the people that like to summer and are praying for it to stay. If God keeps summer going and cancels Winter, he makes enemies of the people that love the winter. So to make everyone happy, God stays out of it and is Neutral like Switzerland.
You can see the same in any good manager or business owner. Its not possible to make everyone happy, so the best course of action is usually to not even try. Just let things happen as they are going to happen. I think in many things in this world, the universe, and our lives, God takes the same stance of Neutrality.
God even tells us as much in Matthew 5:45 and in many other places. God is telling us that he does not take sides. That good things and bad things fall on both good and bad people. Its a bad idea to take sides. Same applies to people that have kids. Its a very bad idea to favor one child over the other. You just cant do something for 1 and not do it for the other. So often, its best to just stay neutral and let the chips fall where they will fall.
Sure, God gives favor to those that follow him. Psalm 84:11. But that favor does not mean that we will live a live with no pain, and no problems. In fact, God told us just the opposite. John 16:33 tells us that we will have trouble in this world. In fact, when we become Christians, we are going to face even more. 2 Timothy 3:12.
Am I saying that God does not care and he does not intervene when he can? Of course Im not. God cares and does take care of his Children. Often when you have a child, and that Child is in trouble, the best thing that you can do is nothing at all.
Sit back and let things just happen the way they were meant to happen. This is how we learn and grow. If God was to step in and take control of every little issue and problem that we faced and work it out for us, we would never learn how to do it ourselves!
So is God up there? Of course he is. But he often chooses not to interfere but just stay neutral. Its for our own good.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
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