There has been a lot of news stories and such on Black Lives Matter. I even saw one that said, White Lives Matter. In fact, I think this started a trend of many others as well.
Well, this got me to thinking about, you guessed it, those with Avoidant Personality (Avpd). Avpd is my passion. That sounds a bit weird now that I hear myself say it.
I receive emails from people all over the world that have Avpd and from "Normals". Normals are what I call those that do not have Avpd. These Normals want to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd. All of the stories and their questions are pretty much the same.
They have fallen in love with someone that has Avpd, the Normal pursued the one with Avpd, which caused the one with Avpd to run, or want to run away. You see, in a normal relationship, when you love someone, you tell them, right?
Well, if that someone has Avpd, you can't just blurt that out, or be aggressive in your pursuit of them. That will trigger the fight or flight response in the one that has Avpd.
When the one with Avpd backs away, the Normal thinks they did something wrong, or the person with Avpd does not love them back. Even if the one with Avpd spouted feelings of Love before.
Because the Normal now feels rejected, (Yes, even Normals feel rejection!), they decide to sever the relationship.
This is a very common scenario that I hear over and over and over. Now don't get me wrong. I am not complaining in the least. I love helping people. Especially those that have Avpd and Normals that love us.
People that have Avpd are like a computer with 2 opposing sets of instructions. 1 instructions tell them to love the Normal. The other tells them to hate the Normal, or at least avoid them because the Normal might hurt them. These 2 instructions are in direct conflict with each other. Its not possible for the computer to complete both instructions. It is just not possible to love someone and hate them at the very same time.
So what happens is that the computer develops a Psychosis like the computer Hal from 2001 the Space Odyssey. In the movie, Hal was given 2 order in direct conflict with each other. The result was that the computer malfunctioned and did some crazy things that resulted in it breaking down completely.
Those with Avpd can be seen in much the same way. On the one hand, this person wants to love the Normal. On the other, this person wants to hate the Normal because they fear they might hurt them. Its just not possible for them to do both, so the result is a breakdown and they end up running away in fear.
The trick is not to scare the one with Avpd. I know this makes those with Avpd sound like its not worth the bother. But think of someone with Avpd like they have Cancer or some other physical ailment. If this person you love had Cancer, what would you do?
If the answer to that is that you would run away, then you, and the person you love is probably better off that you do just that.
Or if they had Cancer, would you love him or her anyway and have compassion and understanding for them and walk on eggshells (Go Overboard) to not frighten them or hurt them. If you would do that for him if he, or she, had Cancer, then why not this?
There is no difference. Someone with Avpd deserves that very same love and understanding as someone that has Cancer, or any other physical ailment.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
