My Life with Avpd- The condensed version

When I was the Air Force, I was diagnosed with something called Avoidant Personality (Also known as AvPD). I went to see a shrink there because I was unable to be around women. I would get physically ill around them.

It was a huge relief when I was diagnosed with Avoidance. But it was also hard to be labeled. So it was a double edged sword sort of thing.

All of my life I have felt different and weird. I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a world full of square holes. This is why in school, I was a hermit. I kept to myself and talked to no one.

Up until I was diagnosed with Avoidance, I was lost. Once I was diagnosed, at least I knew why I was the way I was and could work on it. It has taken decades to figure things out, but I finally have. These days I do pretty well. I still have my down days and days that I want to go crawl under a rock, but for the most part, I do well.

When I was in the Air Force, I got sent to something called Correctional Custody, which made my Avpd 1000 times worse. I wont go into all the detail, but in short, the sergeants there did everything they could to tear me down, convince me I was worthless and other such fun things like that.

Now back to the Avpd. The short definition of Avpd is that you avoid things. We avid women, men, social functions, going to the store or most anyplace else where there are strangers and avoid pretty much every aspect of life.

Avoidants keep a very very small circle of friends. Most that have Avpd have no friends at all. Most of the friends we have are those at work and those are mostly just acquaintances that we deal with cause its part of work and we have to.

If an Avpd has worked in 1 job for a lot of years, its possible that they get comfortable enough to make friends, or some semblance of friendships. But outside of this, the rest of the world is a very scary place and one to be…you guessed it, Avoided.

One on one relationships, come fairly easy. But in groups of any size at all, panic sets in and its impossible to function. The meaning of “A group of any size” can be different from one Avoidant to the other, but typically its not more than 2 or 3 at the most. The larger the group, the worse it is and the more likely the person with Avpd is to run away or not go at all.

Or if the Avpd person is forced to go, he or she will just sit in a corner and mope or cower. Avoidants are shy, but really beyond shy. Extreme shyness would be the best description. Social function terrify the one with Avpd. Avpders fear most everything. Few are able to have a successful marriage, must less get married.

If one with Avpd does manage to have a successful relationship, it will likely either be a gay relationship (because the same sex are the more comfortable and secure to deal with), or it will be a person of the opposite sex that is submissive and easily dominated. The only relationships that a Avpd person is able to deal with as those that make him feel like he or she is powerful and like that one in charge.

If the other person in the relationship is strong willed, one of few things will likely happen.

• The strain will become too great and the relationship/marriage will fail.
• The other person in the relationship will develop physical symptoms (cancer, Peripheral neuritis, or others illnesses) due to the stress and strain of trying to cope with the one with Avpd.
• The other person will become passive

Those with Avpd are, or will become, very paranoid unless they find a way to fit into society. This might take on the form of a job where they are the boss. This allows them to function because they are able to tell others what to do and not be told what the do. This gives them a sense of security.

If the paranoia continues long enough, a full mental breakdown can occur leading to acting out an act of violence. Those with Avpd can either be victims of domestic violence or the abusers depending on the dynamics of the relationship/marriage.

Most with Avpd attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Others may not attempt outright suicide, but find other things to help them cope like drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs are just a slower form of suicide unless an overdose is taken.

One with Avpd often is a job hoper going from job to job because they simply cannot function unless they find a way to get to the top of the pile quickly. Many with Avpd turn to working from home and self-employment. This seclusion is needed for security, but at the same time is very detrimental to any hope of social development.

I have had more jobs that I can even count. Most days I would be in whats called a brain fog. This is where you feel like you are not really there. Like someone else is at the controls and you are just watching yourself do things.

I searched for many years for something that would help. I still have no clue how I managed to get married. We fought like mad every day and struggled for years. I treated my poor wife very badly. One day, my wife suggested a vitamin supplement. I resisted for a while because it just seemed to easy and I did not want to be disappointed when they did not work.

I ordered and took them out of desperation. I was willing to try most anything to find some relief from the mental pain I was in every single day of my life. I thought that everyone hated me, everyone was out to get me, and I was worthless. I had no value at all and I would never amount to anything. I got the vitamins and started taking them and they worked. Now, other things helped like God, Writing in a journal, talking with others and such, but the vitamins were a miracle. It was like night and day.

When I don’t take them, I slip back into the fog. Im convinced that nutrition plays a major role in Avpd. I wont say that good nutrition is the cure, but I will say that if it was not for these vitamins, I probably would not be alive today.







This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidant Personality the book

It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.

• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author



If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.




This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidant Personality the book

It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.

• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author



If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.




This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidance Story

Hi Everyone,

We wont be able to do the meeting tomorrow. My family is here from Texas visiting, so it wont be possible for me to hold the meeting tomorrow. I may or may not be able to hold it next Sunday either depending on if my family is still here.

I wanted to tide everyone over since we have went a while without a meeting. Here is an excerpt my the book I am writing. If you have any questions, please email them to me and I can answer those.

Outside the birds were chirping, the sun was warm, and the roses were in full bloom. Inside, Bob was feeling rejected, defeated, and like he could climb under a rock and die. It was as if someone had pulled the cork on his body and drained all the energy out his body, like a mechanic draining oil from a car. What had brought Bob to this state was the thought of going to the mall with his wife, Jennifer.

Jennifer had been looking forward to going to the mall with her husband all week. She went to the mall so often, that the last time she went, one of the employees at her favorite store Jakes, asked for her employee ID so he could give her a discount. For Bob, the thought of going to a mall was a nightmare. Jennifer begged him to go with her. When Bob said that he just could not do it, Jennifer would cry and tell Bob that she felt invaluable and not worth his time, so Bob gave in like he always did. Bob and Jennifer got to the mall and the onslaught ensued. The first store they walked into was JC Penny’s.

Bob felt his mind start to be pulled apart. Every one of these hundreds of people in the store was a potential enemy, and it was his minds jobs to sort them out. Each one had to be assigned a combatant classification based on how much of a threat they posed. Threats included those that were too small, too short, too good looking, too ugly, too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, and a 100 others. These judgments were applied to every one of the hundreds of people that came into and out of Bob’s view for the entire time he was in the Mall. This crowd of people was constantly changing, so these thousands of assessments happened over and over again in Bob’s mind.

At some point, so much mental energy was being used up that Bob’s body just could not handle it anymore. His brain had turned to mush, his body became limp and he had trouble walking. He became incapable of talking and had to sit. He began to get sick to his stomach and felt like he was going to throw up. This is the pain that Bob felt when faced with any social situation. The mall was just the worst of the worst.

When Bob and Jennifer got home from the mall, the unavoidable fight ensued. Jennifer accused Bob of not talking to her and ignoring her. These days, combined with Bob’s other symptoms like Depression, Society Phobia, Social Anxiety, a host of fears like Going outside, being alone, being with people, being rejected, and failure. Bob’s life was a living hell. Jennifer tried to understand Bob, but she just could not get there. After all, it was completely illogical to have such hang ups. She had told him this a thousand times. “Avoidance, Bob? You have to be kidding me. That’s just an excuse. Get over it”.

Jennifer and Bob’s marriage was on their very last thread. This is why Jenifer had started retreating into her 80’s world of listening to the Bee Gees. She felt unappreciated, defeated, unloved and ready to give up. She was sure that she could get back out there and find another man that did not use excuses like this Avoidant Personality and love her like she needed to be loved. She starred out her window and thought about her horrible excuse for a marriage. One fight in particular was the subject of many of her thoughts these days. The fight had been so bad that Bob had kicked her out of their car, left her on the side of the road, pregnant, wet, and 5 miles from home.



Jennifer wanted to ask for a divorce with everything in her, but something told her to hang on just a little longer. Sunday came and Jennifer drug Bob to Church. The Pastor talked about healing. Not just the quick and easy healing, that costs nothing, that so many pastors preached, but a healing that would take time, but last a lifetime. Bob had mustered the courage and strength to go down to the front for prayer. He had no idea where this came from. It was an odd feeling unlike any he had felt before. Later on, he realized that God, the ruler of the universe, had actually taken the time to reach into Bob’s pathetic life and give him a gift. A gift of strength, courage, and love. Bob stood up, walked down to the front, and asked the Pastor to pray for him.

The Pastor prayed a simple prayer. Not the long winded type, that so many Pastors used to bring glory to themselves, but a simple prayer that asked God to finish the work that he had begun already. That evening, after Bob had returned home, there was a hope there that Bob had not had since Bob had been saved some 30 years ago. Bob felt like a veil had been lifted from his mind, his, heart and his very life. Bob knew that his Avoidance was not going to go away overnight, but was going to require work. For the first time in Bob’s life, this work seemed possible. Bob was determined to do the work and find the healing for his marriage and his Avoidance. That too would not happen overnight. There were years of hurt, and pain to be overcome, but now that God as in the picture, it was not only possible, but would happen.

Phillip

To win against Avoidance, you have to find healing as a whole

Hi Everyone,

Today I wanted to talk just a bit about healing. Now we have Avoidance, or a related issue, so this is what we want healing from. But this applies to your entire life. We are beings of Spirit, Body and Mind. While here on this earth, we cannot separate one from the other.

Where one goes, the others follow. In other words, if you are weak in one area, the others will be weak as well. Some people focus on one aspect of themselves while ignoring the others. For example, some will become work out fiends. They work out and make this their sole mission on life. But they ignore the spiritual aspect, and do nothing for their minds.

After a while of this, they become people with great bodies, but are usually pretty light in the other areas, if they exist at all. Eventually, the entire person fails. Same concept with those that focus on the Spirit only, or the mind only.

All 3 need to be in tune with each other. Now how does this apply to Avoidance. Well, Avpd is a mental disorder. To overcome Avoidance, you have to look at all 3 things that make up you. Mind, Body and Spirit. If any one of those 3 is not being addressed, healing cannot take place. At least not a well and lasting healing.

In our next meeting, we will look at his more in depth.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/needsmet/2016/04/03/group-for-people-that-suffer-from-avoidant-personality-other-similar-disorders





This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Todays Group

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/needsmet/2016/03/06/group-for-people-that-suffer-from-avoidant-personality-other-similar-disorders



This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Dealing with Depression Video

Even though this is a video on depression and not Avoidant Personality, I thought it worthy to post here since Avpd is not that much different.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJ_S5Rjt_iI


This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.