It has been a while since I have written in here. I remember when I was first diagnosed with Avpd and began to search on the internet. I did find a few sites and blogs, but most all of them were old and had not been updated or written in for a while.
I will do my best to not let that happen here.
Monday was a bad day. Well, the day itself was of course not bad. A rant on myself that I have seen so many other places. People say that the day is good or bad, or that this or that is bad. Intimate objects and days do not have a life of their own. They cannot be bad or good. They just are.
Days are what we make of them. They are neither good or bad. If we have what we call a bad day, its because we have made it that way. My wife tells me similar things. We get in an argument and she says that the day in wrecked.
Huh? The day wrecked. I did not know that the day had its drivers license!
Dont tell her I said that.
Days are what we make of them. To say that Mondays are bad is foolish. Mondays are no different than any other day. Other than its the start of the work week. So the day itself has no value for either good or bad.
In the example above, I told my wife to get over it. We had an argument. Ya, so what? That does not have to effect the rest of our day just like a bad childhood does not need to cause the rest of your life to be bad. The reality is that its not always that easy that we can just Get Over it.
I wish it was that simple. Monday was a fine day, but the Avpd in me made me think it bad.
I was depressed, but it was more than this. It was if the plug had been pulled in my life that held in my faith and it had gone down the proverbial toilet. God it seemed was just not there. Its not that I questioned his existence. Thats foolish.
Its just not logical that this world and us could be a random occurrence. Believing in that takes way more faith that to believe that an intelligent being created it all. So that was not the issue at all.
The issue was that I questioned that he was involved. Events in this world seem to be quite random. Good happens to bad people and bad happens to good people. It all seems to be quite random. Maybe God just has better things to do than be involved in our daily lives. Or maybe its that free will ties his hands and he cant.
Well, that was my mind set on Monday. I cried out to God and yes, even shook my first at him.
Then the next day, I find myself full of faith again. It seems that I cannot not spout scripture and be positive about God and life.
I wish I could be this way all the time. I blame it on the Avpd in me. But I hate to use this as an excuse to be this way. I should be able to just Get Over it, Right?
Then why cant I?
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
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