Day 5 and 6 with Ancestral Suppliment

The last 2 days have been much much better. I feel energy, optimistic, and like I can take on life. In the past when I have frogotton to take my Advocare for a few days, I felt it. I would feel down and depresed and like life was not worth living.

The last 2 days I have upped my dose to 3 pills each of the Bone marrow and Beef Liver. I feel almost as good as I did when I was on Advocare. I feel very optimistic that these suppliments just might be the ones that carry me into the future.

I might up the dossage to 4 each tomorrow. If 3 each is good, 4 each will be better, right? Well, maybe not, but Im going to give it a try anway. Im from Texas and in Texas, more is always better. Over the years, I have found this is not always true, but engrained into who I am. So I have to do it.

Phillip runs a non profit called Avoidant Personality Research Center in Meridian, Idaho. The web site is Avoidants.org

Day 2 -4 with Ancestral Suppliments

I combined several days because each has been little to no different than the last. I saw no reason to write pretty much the same thing over and over. No Change, No Change, wait.... there is No change again today. Today was better but I cheated. I drank about 1/4 to 1/2 a can of DR Pepper, which is my drug of choice.

With the suppliments I dont feel as much of the depression and down feeling, but its still no where near as good as what I felt when I was taking the Advocare.

The caffiene made a huge difference and took me into the evening still feeling good. So at this point, I am not feeling very optimistic that these suppliments are going to help. But, I am stil at 2 caps each of the Bone marrow and Liver, so I am not ready to give up on these yet.

I know for scientific evaluation reasons, introducing Dr Pepper into the mix was a bad idea. Its imppossible to know if the pills are finally taking hold, or its the Dr pepper and the suppliments are going to be duds.

But Im going to keep pressing through with this eperiement and see where it takes me. I think tomorrow I will probably up the dossage to 3 each.

Phillip runs a non profit called Avoidant Personality Research Center in Meridian, Idaho. The web site is Avoidants.org

Day 1 Ancestral Suppliments - To early to say

Yesterday I started taking Ancestral Suppliments Beef Liver and Bone and Marrow. I took 1 capsule of each. According to Brain which is the owner, I should start with 1 cap and work up from there. he said finding that sweet spot of the right dossage is important. Every person is different. We all have unique biology, unique body chemistry and unique daily habits. These factors and more effect how suppliments are metabilized in the body and how effedive they will be.

1 dossage might work perfectly for me which for another person that same dossage might not yield the same results. Brian suggested i take one capsule per day of each supplement for the first 3 - 4 days. Then, go up to two capsules of each per day for the next 3 - 4 days. Three capsules per day of each and so on.

Day 1 Energy
I felt like I had some energy beyond my norm, but its impossible to say for sure if this was left over from the Advocare. It also might be that I only thought I had mosre energy so it was just something in my head. It will lilely take some time before I know, but probably not long. When I was taking Advocare, it would not be more than 3 to 4 days of not taking them before I would notice the effects.

Sleep
I did not sleep well but this is normal for me. I have had bouts of insomnia for many many years. I will have a week or so of poor sleep, then a week or so of decent sleep then rinse and repeat. I dont have cafeine much anymore at all because of my blood pressure and also because it will keep me up at night. Im not yet sure this seems similar to that, but its something to keep my eye on.

Blood pressure This morning by blood pressure is 152/82 after 2 takes

They were;

Very low energy Feelings of hopelessness and defeat Major Depression Feeling like I needed to eat everying in sight until I burst Wanting to self isolate and talk to or see no one Feeling like the future was pointless and I should give up on everything

On these days, all I wanted to do was lie on the coach and watch TV all day long. I laid there with a bag of Doritos and barely moved. Any phone calls I got where met with silence and rejection.

Botton Line Eval Its way too early to say for sure if these suppliments are doing any good. I will give the current dossage another day and then up it to see if there are any noticiable changes

New Vitamins and new journey for my Avoidant Personality?

It has been a while since I have written here. I have been very busy with Avoidant Personality Research Center (Avoidants.org). Today though marks a new chapter. For years i have taken a vitamin supplement called Advocare MSN E. My wife 1st turned me onto these after years and years of searching for something that would help with my Avoidant Personality (Avpd). I tried everything from Chinese medicine, to various vitamins to other so-called professionals.

Nothing worked. Then one day my wife suggested Advocare. It was like a switch had been flipped in my mind. I could function and I felt good about life. My wife called them my Happy Pills. They did not take away the Avpd, but they took the edge off it.

Fast forward years and years of taking Advocare MNS E. Wouldn’t you know it, Advocare in its infinite wisdom decided to Discontinue MNS E and come out with what it called a new formula. Reminded me of when Coke tried this years ago and fell flat on its face with it.

I ordered some of the new formula and tried in anxiously. Nothing, or at least next to nothing. I searched and searched for something to replace my beloved Advocare. i even wrote lots of letters to Advocare pleading for help in finding the old formula but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

After searching and searching, I ran across something I fond very curious. Ancestorial Vitamins. They claim to be end to end of the cow. They say that our ancestors ate all of the cow including internal organs. On their web site is this.

—Traditional peoples, Native Americans and early ancestral healers believed that eating the organs from a healthy animal would strengthen and support the health of the corresponding organ of the individual * —

I went to Amazon and found them there along with lots of glowing reviews. It seems to cure everything from low energy, to gut problems and everything in between. Sounded a bit like those old tonics in the 1800's that were peddled by slick sales people that said their crap cured everything.

But I figured, why not give these a try. So I rushed off to Amazon and bought Beed Liver and Bone and Marrow. The 2 set me back about $100.

I emailed the owner of ancestorial Supplements and he suggested that I start with 1 of each and work my way up. This will be my day-to-day journal of my experience with these.

The Begenning I took 1 each of the Beef Liver and Bone and Marrow. I have no idea what to expect. In tomorrow’s blog, I will go over any side effects, noticed energy levels and anything else I notice that I think might be attributable to these new supplements.

Updates on life & Avpd

It has been a long long time since I have written in here. I start off a lot of my blogs the same way Ive noticed. Today I got the idea to go back through everything I have written, which was weird. I did this because Im writing a book about living with Avoidant Personality. I have been working on this book for a long long time. Many years in fact. I am actually reaching the end of the journey, sort of. Im almost done with the 1st draft. Once the draft is done, the editing process starts. I found a guy that is doing the editing for free. He is a college professor that teaches english and writing, so I think the book is in good hands. Its been quite a journey with Avpd and this book, and life. Im offically retired now which is the best thing ever. I can write and work on these ideas and things all day long, every day. Its hard sometimes to stay motivated when part of me wants to do nothing but sit in front of the TV. I know that is a bad thing though. Just because I can do that does not mean I should. If anyone is interesed in a copy of this book when its out, just let me know. Phillip@AvoidingLife.org I changed the name to Avoiding Life, which is the name of my book as well. The daughter is almmost 17 now, so she will be graduating soon. She has a boyfriend. A dads worst nightmare, but its part of life and I cant fight it. He seems like a nice kid though. My Avpd battle is still ongoing. Not sure it will ever be fully won, at least not in my lifetime. I continue to work with others that have Avpd and I continue to try to get the word out about Avpd. Its a hard battle because no one has heard of Avpd except those that actually have it. The wife and I are doing well. We have been back togther now for 2 years and its going well. The Avpd still rears its head at times and tries to take over, so its a constant battle to keep its head down. Well, thats probably about enough for now. Phillip

The FaceMask blues

Got your attention, didn’t I? These are weird times, aren’t they? Covid 19 has made a mess of our society, and world. Who would have thought that we would see a time when we would have to stay 6 feet part and practice other social distancing measures?

I was just at the grocery store this morning. I wanted to get a box of cereal. When I tried to go into the cereal aisle, I was presented with a large red cone and a very rude sign that said; “One way only, do not enter”.

I don’t go downtown for this very reason. I hate one-way streets. One time when I was downtown, I did not see the sign and turned into, what was very soon, cars coming right at me. I could even see the faces of the drivers. They looked angry and like they would run me gladly over if I did not quickly find a way to get turned around.

It was terrifying!

Now I was facing this one-way sign at a super market of all places. As weird as this is, things like this have become the new normal. One of these “new normals” these days is that we have to wear Face Masks. We all hate wearing these, but in the light of Covid 19, its necessary. Facemasks make it hard to breathe and even harder to talk through.

For a normal person, these are inconveniences. But for someone that is suffering from a mental health issue, putting on a face mask can be very traumatic event.

As a normal person (A Normal is someone that does not suffer from a mental health issue), it can be very difficult to put yourself in the shoes of someone that is like this. I am not sure that I can help you imagine this, but I will try. Being severely depressed is like being trapped behind very thick glass. Not ordinary glass mind you, but that weird glass that you find in some bathrooms that you can see through, but everything is very distorted so the best you can see are fuzzy shapes and shadowy misshapen figures.

If you suffer from depression, you can see clearly enough to make out friends, family, and loved ones, but no matter how hard you try, or want to try, you can never reach them. No matter how hard you want these people to hear your cries, your pain, or know anything about you, they cant.

Nothing you, or they can do will ever matter. The glass is impenetrable. You can pound on it until your firsts are a mass of blood, and there is nothing left but bloody bone, but no matter how hard you try, you can never ever ever ever feel the loving embrace of your mom, your dad, or your daughter.

Nothing can get through. You are trapped behind this glass forever watching the world go by. Even your very own spouse, or significant other, if you fortunate enough to have one, is on the other side of this glass wall.

You can only watch as your relationship with that person crumbles because the person you are supposed to love cannot feel anything from you, they can’t get to know you, or even talk to you on any meaningful level. You want desperately to reach out to that person that you love, but you cannot get through the glass.

To make matters even worse, the people on the other side of this glass only see a person that is stoic, having no emotion at all, and seems to be completely uncaring. To them, you seem uncaring, stuck up, not wanting friends, or relationships. Your loved ones, your friends, and the world only see someone that is always mad, wants nothing at all to do with anyone and cares for no one.

This is what the severely depressed deal with every day of their lives. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and on and on with no end and no hope of ever escaping.

It is like Mr Cellophane from the movie Chicago. Mr Cellophane feels like no one can even see him. Life goes on all around him, but does not affect him in any way because he is invisible to everyone. To the Severely Depressed though, this is a safe place. “If no one sees me, they can’t hurt me.”

Hopefully you now have an image in your mind of what its like for the severely depressed. Take that image and add to it a face mask.

When a person that is already suffering from this intense nothingness puts on a face mask, it is like the old adage of rubbing salt into a wound. Even before they had to put on this mask, they felt like no one loved them, no one could see them, or even cared anything about them. Now add to this insult the extra injury of a face mask.

Before they were “nothing”, but now they are “extra nothing”. Without the mask, there was a possibility, even though a very remote one that someone, anyone, might glance their way. Even though they have given up hope a long long time ago that someone might stop and say Hi, now with the mask, even that remote hope is gone.

With the face mask, they are marked. Before they were just depressed. They could hide depression, they could choke back the tears, they could disappear just like Mr Cellophane and blend into the crowd.

Now, they have to wear a face mask and die all over again.

Divorced life as one with Avoidance

It has been a while since I have written here. A lot happened in the last few months since I wrote. I am divorced now. Its something that I never thought would happen to me.

Why the divorce happen really has little to do with the Avoidance. Sure I made some mistakes and hurt my wife emotionally. But once I found healing from Avpd, most all of that was resolved.

We got divorced because we were just not compatible, which is really really weird. We married because we both loved God and we thought that was enough. Well, it turned out that it was not enough.

How we loved God and wanted to serve him is very very different. My wife is a church person. She grew up in the church and wants to stay in the church.

She wants to go to Church, raise her hands up in the air "like she just dont care", and just be in the local Church. For me, I am different, I see church as a hospital for sick people.

Once you get healing, you go out into the world and work. Work feeding the homeless, clothing the naked and all those other Sheep and the Goats things that God said we should be doing but most of us dont.

So even though we are both Christians, we are still unequally yoked. So we moved on. Moving on is the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days are bad and is very hard to cope. Other days are bearable.

After all, we were married for 15 years but now thats gone. I have moved out and I am alone. Thankfully i have my daughter a week on and a week off. Its not enough, but its as good as it can be.

Life goes on. At least I think it must. I dont do the podcast right now. Its hard to give others hope, when you can find very little for yourself. But in God there is hope. At least that is what I am told and what I hear. So hopefully it is true.

Well, that is enough for today. I will try to start writing in here more. Maybe it will help.

Phillip





This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Normals that are trying to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd

Hi everyone,

A Normal is someone anyone that is not an Avoidant. If you fall into this category, there is help for you as well. My wife is a Normal and she has been married to someone that has Avpd for 15 years now.

She has a wealth of experience and wisdom to share with anyone that is on that same path. She will answer any and all questions either on the air, by email, or both. Just let us know which you prefer.

Our next podcast 11/12/17 will focus on Normals that are trying to be in a relationship with someone that has, or your suspect has, Avpd.

Sign up now!

Before the podcast, please take our short survey.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/2V9PP7K

Phillip Dacus

How to start on the journey to heaing your Avpd podcast

Hi everyone,

The next podcast will be tomorrow at noon MT 10/29/17.

I encourage everyone to make the class live so you can take advantage of our live chat room and calling in if you wish to do so. We respect your privacy, so you can also just hang out and listen. You can also send us an email with any questions that you have and request they be addressed on the air, or respond vie email.

Here is the call in number. (929) 477-3305

Here is the link to get to the podcast. http://tobtr.com/s/10360945

If you are not able to make it live, never fear. The podcast will be available on my web site a day or two after Sunday. Avoidants.org

As always, if you have any questions for me, you can email them to Phillip@Avoidants.org. Please let me know in your email if you want mt to answer your question live in the podcast.

Phillip Dacus
Organizer, host and teacher






This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avpd Lives matter too!

There has been a lot of news stories and such on Black Lives Matter. I even saw one that said, White Lives Matter. In fact, I think this started a trend of many others as well.

Well, this got me to thinking about, you guessed it, those with Avoidant Personality (Avpd). Avpd is my passion. That sounds a bit weird now that I hear myself say it.

I receive emails from people all over the world that have Avpd and from "Normals". Normals are what I call those that do not have Avpd. These Normals want to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd. All of the stories and their questions are pretty much the same.

They have fallen in love with someone that has Avpd, the Normal pursued the one with Avpd, which caused the one with Avpd to run, or want to run away. You see, in a normal relationship, when you love someone, you tell them, right?

Well, if that someone has Avpd, you can't just blurt that out, or be aggressive in your pursuit of them. That will trigger the fight or flight response in the one that has Avpd.

When the one with Avpd backs away, the Normal thinks they did something wrong, or the person with Avpd does not love them back. Even if the one with Avpd spouted feelings of Love before.

Because the Normal now feels rejected, (Yes, even Normals feel rejection!), they decide to sever the relationship.

This is a very common scenario that I hear over and over and over. Now don't get me wrong. I am not complaining in the least. I love helping people. Especially those that have Avpd and Normals that love us.

People that have Avpd are like a computer with 2 opposing sets of instructions. 1 instructions tell them to love the Normal. The other tells them to hate the Normal, or at least avoid them because the Normal might hurt them. These 2 instructions are in direct conflict with each other. Its not possible for the computer to complete both instructions. It is just not possible to love someone and hate them at the very same time.

So what happens is that the computer develops a Psychosis like the computer Hal from 2001 the Space Odyssey. In the movie, Hal was given 2 order in direct conflict with each other. The result was that the computer malfunctioned and did some crazy things that resulted in it breaking down completely.

Those with Avpd can be seen in much the same way. On the one hand, this person wants to love the Normal. On the other, this person wants to hate the Normal because they fear they might hurt them. Its just not possible for them to do both, so the result is a breakdown and they end up running away in fear.

The trick is not to scare the one with Avpd. I know this makes those with Avpd sound like its not worth the bother. But think of someone with Avpd like they have Cancer or some other physical ailment. If this person you love had Cancer, what would you do?

If the answer to that is that you would run away, then you, and the person you love is probably better off that you do just that.

Or if they had Cancer, would you love him or her anyway and have compassion and understanding for them and walk on eggshells (Go Overboard) to not frighten them or hurt them. If you would do that for him if he, or she, had Cancer, then why not this?

There is no difference. Someone with Avpd deserves that very same love and understanding as someone that has Cancer, or any other physical ailment.






This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

How I have been able to cope with Avpd

How I cope with Avoidant Personality (Avpd)

My name is Phillip Dacus. I was born with Avoidant Personality (Avpd), as everyone that suffers from it is. Avpd is a disease. Like physical diseases, it can lie dormant in the body for years. Typically, Avpd does not rear its ugly head until the late teens or early adulthood. Everyone is different though, so different people have different stories as to when and how it started. Click here to read about these differences.

I have been working with others that have Avpd and similar disorders for 10 years. I get emails from people all over the world. Mostly I am contacted by what I call Normals that are trying to be in a relationship with someone that they know, or suspect, has Avpd.

The most common question I get is how did I overcome Avpd.

Before I start, I need to tell you that there is just no way that I can post my entire story here. It would require a book to tell you everything that I have gone through over the course of the last 40 years. By the way, this is exactly what I am in the process of doing. I hope to soon have my book ready. I am also working on some on-line classes that you can take.

What I will give you here is an overview of my story. I will go into detail on all this in my classes and book.

Though I did not know it at the time, I was born with Avpd. It is funny how clear things become in hindsight. I probably got my Avpd from my mom, which is typical. Avpd is usually handed down genetically from a family member. I have 2 brothers. One of them, though not diagnosed with Avpd, almost surely has it too.

I had a pretty typical childhood, though I cant remember most of it. I had Epilepsy as a child, so it was probably the Epilepsy that resulted in the memory loss. The 1st time I noticed the start of my Avpd was in High School, which was my mid to late teens. As a male, I never liked the normal things a guy should like. I hated working on cars, I did not like girls (though in secret I did, they just scared me so I avoided them), and I did not like sports. So I was accused of being gay.

My way of dealing with this lie was to hide. I was a hermit in high school. A few years after getting out of school, I went into the Air Force. I got stationed in England, which is what I wanted. I was so terrified of girls that I would get physically ill when anywhere close to them. This led me to being a hermit in the military as well. While in the Air Force, I went to see a psychiatrist for help with my fears. They tested me and officially diagnosed me with Avpd.

There was a very traumatic event that happened while I was in the military that greatly exacerbated my Avpd. In fact, I would say that it put it into overdrive. I dont have the room to go into my story here, but will address this in detail in my book and in my classes.

To make a long story short, I struggled for many years after the military with my Avpd. God brought a lady (now my wife Rebecca) into my life. We met over the phone, which in my case, was the only way it could have worked. I lived in Texas at the time, which is where I was born. Rebecca and I hit it off, so she flew down to Texas to pick me up and we drove back together. We got married 15 years ago.

I treated my wife very badly for the 1st 13 years of our marriage. I will give you an example of just how much of a jerk I was. My wife was pregnant at the time. We were driving in the car and had a bad fight. I pulled over and made her get out of the car and walk home.

The only reason why my wife stayed is because God told her to. During these years, I did a lot of writing in a blog that I created. I found writing to be very good therapy. If you want to read my blog, here is the link to it.

There are a lot of other things that added up to my healing. Things like;

Admitting I had a problem
Understanding myself
My wife understanding me
Identifying traps
Exposure Therapy
Finding truth
Not giving up
Reading, taking classes and understanding how Avpd works
Nutrition
A great understanding and patient wife
Teaching others
Reading the Bible and letting God work on me through His word
Prayer

Admitting I had a problem
Just like with Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, or anything else like this, the 1st step in the healing process is to admit that you have a problem. I can be pretty stubborn at times. Just ask my wife. As humans, we dont like to admit that we are flawed and Avpd is a pretty huge flaw. Avpd is very tough because as someone with Avpd I already thought that I was horrible and worthless. For someone that is "Normal" to try to tell them that they have a problem is something they wont want to hear. In fact, if not done carefully, it will do a lot more harm than good.

Understanding
I had to understand myself 1st. I had swallowed the lies hook line and sinker. One of these lies is that I was the only defective person in the universe. I was all alone and therefore, not worth fixing because I was the only one like this.

My wife Understanding me
My wife needed to come to a place where she understood me and had empathy for me. When we 1st got married, my wife had no clue about Avpd. She would tell me all the time to "Just Get over it". Once she understood Avpd, she realized that this was not possible. She became very patient with me, kind and understanding.

Identifying Traps
There are many traps and behaviors that I had to identify. Key triggers that set off Avpd behaviors. These needed to be identified, and once identified, avoided.

Exposure therapy
One of the things that scared me was going to the mall. I felt overwhelmed and helpless. These fears needed to be faced and the anxiety dealt with.

Finding truth
One of the biggest issues that I faced with Avpd was undoing the lies that I had accepted as truth. For example, one of these lies is that you are all alone. The truth is that Avpd is a disorder that effects millions of people all over the world.

Never Giving Up
My journey with Avpd took me 50 years to complete. While it is very possible to complete the journey sooner and find that healing quicker, there is no magic pill for healing Avpd. Im not going to blow smoke by telling you that you can be free of Avpd tomorrow. It is possible, but more often than not it requires a lot of work over a long period of time. The key here is to be patient and never give up!

Reading..Taking Classes and Understanding How Avpd Works
I have read a lot about Avpd. I have taken a lot of classes on Avpd, depression and similar disorders.

Nutrition
This may seem like a small thing, but it is fact one of the biggeest. Getting proper nutrition is a key element to healing. Your body is just like a cars engine. Your cars engine requires oil, which is its lubrication. Without this lubrication, your car will quit running. Put in good quality oil and changing it on a regular basis will keep your car running smoothly and efficiently. The same with your body, mind, and Spirit. Proper nutrition is needed in order for them to work properly. Garbage in, garbage out.

If you eat nothing but junk, your body, mind and Spirit will suffer and may even quit on you.

A Great Understanding Partner
As I pointed out above, finding a partner that understands Avpd, or at least tries hard, is critical. I listed this twice because it is so very important. If you are a Normal in a relationship with someone that has Avpd, or you suspect has Avpd, you need to start right now working on learning as much as you can about Avpd and how to deal with your partner that has it.

Teaching Others
The old saying is that the best way to figure something out is to start teaching others. When I started helping others, I learned a lot about healing up the things in my life that still needed some attention.

Reading the Bible, and Letting God Work On Me Through His Word
Please make note here that I did not say anything about going to Church. Few, if any, Churches know how to deal with mental disorders. It is not there fault, it is just not something that Church leadership has not been taught. The Church does a great job at helping with healing physical things like Back issues, Cancer, and other ailments like this, but when it comes to the mind, the Church seems lost.

I put this toward the bottom of this list intentionally. In reality, it is the most important step, but I dont want anyone to not start the healing process because they do not believe in God.

Prayer
Again, I listed this one at the bottom of this list on purpose. Prayer is critical in the healing process. It would be like having a Ford Expedition, but refusing to talk to Ford about the malfunction in your car because you don't believe the Ford Motor Company exists.

Even someone that does not like Ford would take their Expedition to a place that works on Fords to get it fixed. Same with God. Even if you do not believe in God, let God help you. You are His child. He is not going to turn you away just because you don't believe in him, or even like him. This does not mean that you have to sign on the dotted line committing to going to Church every Sunday. Just talk to God and ask God for help.


This is just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to know more, you are going to have to wait until my classes or my book is done. But in the meantime, you are more than welcome to write to me with questions.



This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Helping others with Avpd and Normals that are trying to be in a relatoinship with someone with Avd

I am working hard on developing classes for those with Avpd and similar disorders. The class will also be for those that are trying to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd or similar. I hope to have these up and running soon.

I am also working on a book as well that I hope to have up by the end of the year. There are sooo many of you out there that have Avpd, think you have have Avpd, or you are trying desperately to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd. The main thing I want to say to all of you out there is Never Give up!

I know its hard. I wanted to give up many a time myself. But if I had given up, I would not be in a place now where I can help others find hope and healing from Avpd. And I would not now have a successful marriage and a thriving daughter. So please stay tuned, I wil have more soon.





This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Help is on the way

It has been a while since I have written anything here. Life is a lot better now than it used to be. While I wont say that I am 100% healed from Avpd, I will say that I am most of the way there. Probably 80 to 90% healed. I get asked all the time why I am not healed 100%.

When I first got asked that question, I had to stop and think. After all, cant God heal us completely? We say this all the time in our Churches, right?

In fact, Im sure that you are heard it said as well. It seems to be a pretty common "Get out of jail free card" that is often heard in Church. "What, you have ___ (Fill in the blank with any illness), but you are not being healed. You must be in sin, not have enough Faith, or there is some other reason why God has chosen not to heal you."

To this I say Poppy Cock. There are lots and lots of people in this world that do not get healing. Why is just one of those things we dont know. But that by no way necessarily means we dont have the faith, or there is sin or whatever.

Im my case, God told me that he was not going to heal me completely. Why? Well, if you ever read the story of Paul, you will see my story in there as well. I asked God several times to heal me and each time, He said that his grace is sufficient for me. Now what in the world does that mean?

In our lingo, it just means that God is not going to heal me completely because I would get a big head about it. Often in our lives, when we get a lot of money, or relief from whatever, we decide that we dont need God anymore. Its a common problem that affects many of us. When we are poor, or in some other need, we cry out to God.

But once those needs are met, all the sudden, God takes a back seat, if he is even that close. More often than not, we completely forget about God. This is the biggest reason why God allows us to stay in need.

Avpd is the "thorn in my side" that God is not going to fully remove so that I stay close to him and will always know that God is where my strength comes from.

I have 2 things to say today. Dont Give Up! In fact this is the main message of my entire life and the biggest one that I want to drive home. No matter how bad things may look, do not give up. Help is on the way. God often does not seem to show up when we want him too. God lives outside of time. We, on the other hand, or bound to time. So maybe the reason why it takes time for help to get to us from God is due to the time zone difference.

2nd. Just because you have not yet been healed, or healed completely, dont let this get you down. God has a reason for this. Maybe it is so that you can help others. It is often said and true, that the best way to forget about your own problems is to help others.

Have a great day
Phillip







This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Why no one is researching Avpd and other mental issues

Good Morning,

As far as I know, there have not been any studies done on Avpd, what causes it, and what might cure it. If you look up on the internet on possible cures, all the data you will find will say that same things. Everyone including professionals will tell you that they dont know what causes Avpd and certainly have no idea how to cure it.

Well, to all this I say Poppy Cock!

I am in the process of writing a book on Avpd. I will be exploring these subjects in depth with as much in the way of hard facts as I can. All my energies and research is going into getting my book finished.

The reality is that the professional community is not really interested in figuring out what causes Avpd and what might cure it. Why you might ask. Well, there are several reasons for this. First, those will Avpd are a relatively small minority of the population on the world, though Avpd is on the upswing. It is a bit like those that create viruses for Mac's vs creating them for PC's.

The reason is simple. There are a lot more Pc's out there than Mac's. If you are someone that creates viruses with the intent of causing damage to people's computers. Which would you do? Would you write a virus that effects millions and millions of computers around the world, or one that effects a few hundred thousand?
(I do not know how many PC's there are in the world compares to Mac's, so I am just using millions to hundreds of thousands as a general # for comparison)

If you are a virus writer, or a terrorist, you want to infect the max number of computers that will hurt the max # of people all over the world. That # by far is the PC market. That plus writing viruses for PC's is easy compared to Mac's which are a lot harder to create a god effective virus for.

We can use this very same analogy for money and research for diseases and disorders. If you are a large pharmaceutical company, scientist, other professional that does this kind of research, how are you going to decide what to research?

Are you going to put money and research towards something that seems to effect millions and millions of people and could result in millions and millions of income from the resulting drugs? Or would you put those research dollars toward something that seems to effect only a handful of people (In population terms) and would have a pretty low ROI (Return on Investment) in terms of those that would buy the drugs to supposedly cure the problem?

In case you dont know the answer, I will give it to you. Research and grant money goes towards issues like Cancer and those other diseases and effect millions upon millions of people and will result in millions and millions of dollars in revenue from the drugs that are produced by the research.

Other conditions like Cancer, Alzheimer, Autism, Muscular Dystrophy and such as these get the lions share of research grant money and probably always will. Now I am in no way saying that these are not worthy issues that need research and money thrown at them, so dont hear me wrong. What I am saying is that mental issues like Avpd get little to no money thrown at them and get little to no research done.

The reason is simple. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

Cancer and these other medical issues are very visible. Those that have them make a lot of noise. They are all over the news, social media and everywhere else you look. People with Avoidance..Avoid, Go figure right?

Also those with Avpd and other mental issues like Depression and such can seem perfectly normal on the outside. Reality is that Avpd and these other are a ticking time bomb, like those terrorist. The difference is that those with mental issues dont want to hurt anyone. But one day, perhaps many years or even decades down the line, we blow up.

Until we blow, we are silent. There are several problems with silence but the main one goes back to my initial point. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Since we are silent, the world thinks there is no problem there, so...no grant money, and no research. So it seems that at least for now, this is up to us.

I am here to tell you that here is a cause for Avpd and these other issues and there is a cure. I am going to have to leave this at that for now. It will be best to cover this where I can do it in depth and do justice to the issue. I will try to post more as days go by, but the bulk of my time as to be spent writing my book. So please stay tuned!





This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

My Life with Avpd- The condensed version

When I was the Air Force, I was diagnosed with something called Avoidant Personality (Also known as AvPD). I went to see a shrink there because I was unable to be around women. I would get physically ill around them.

It was a huge relief when I was diagnosed with Avoidance. But it was also hard to be labeled. So it was a double edged sword sort of thing.

All of my life I have felt different and weird. I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a world full of square holes. This is why in school, I was a hermit. I kept to myself and talked to no one.

Up until I was diagnosed with Avoidance, I was lost. Once I was diagnosed, at least I knew why I was the way I was and could work on it. It has taken decades to figure things out, but I finally have. These days I do pretty well. I still have my down days and days that I want to go crawl under a rock, but for the most part, I do well.

When I was in the Air Force, I got sent to something called Correctional Custody, which made my Avpd 1000 times worse. I wont go into all the detail, but in short, the sergeants there did everything they could to tear me down, convince me I was worthless and other such fun things like that.

Now back to the Avpd. The short definition of Avpd is that you avoid things. We avid women, men, social functions, going to the store or most anyplace else where there are strangers and avoid pretty much every aspect of life.

Avoidants keep a very very small circle of friends. Most that have Avpd have no friends at all. Most of the friends we have are those at work and those are mostly just acquaintances that we deal with cause its part of work and we have to.

If an Avpd has worked in 1 job for a lot of years, its possible that they get comfortable enough to make friends, or some semblance of friendships. But outside of this, the rest of the world is a very scary place and one to be…you guessed it, Avoided.

One on one relationships, come fairly easy. But in groups of any size at all, panic sets in and its impossible to function. The meaning of “A group of any size” can be different from one Avoidant to the other, but typically its not more than 2 or 3 at the most. The larger the group, the worse it is and the more likely the person with Avpd is to run away or not go at all.

Or if the Avpd person is forced to go, he or she will just sit in a corner and mope or cower. Avoidants are shy, but really beyond shy. Extreme shyness would be the best description. Social function terrify the one with Avpd. Avpders fear most everything. Few are able to have a successful marriage, must less get married.

If one with Avpd does manage to have a successful relationship, it will likely either be a gay relationship (because the same sex are the more comfortable and secure to deal with), or it will be a person of the opposite sex that is submissive and easily dominated. The only relationships that a Avpd person is able to deal with as those that make him feel like he or she is powerful and like that one in charge.

If the other person in the relationship is strong willed, one of few things will likely happen.

• The strain will become too great and the relationship/marriage will fail.
• The other person in the relationship will develop physical symptoms (cancer, Peripheral neuritis, or others illnesses) due to the stress and strain of trying to cope with the one with Avpd.
• The other person will become passive

Those with Avpd are, or will become, very paranoid unless they find a way to fit into society. This might take on the form of a job where they are the boss. This allows them to function because they are able to tell others what to do and not be told what the do. This gives them a sense of security.

If the paranoia continues long enough, a full mental breakdown can occur leading to acting out an act of violence. Those with Avpd can either be victims of domestic violence or the abusers depending on the dynamics of the relationship/marriage.

Most with Avpd attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Others may not attempt outright suicide, but find other things to help them cope like drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs are just a slower form of suicide unless an overdose is taken.

One with Avpd often is a job hoper going from job to job because they simply cannot function unless they find a way to get to the top of the pile quickly. Many with Avpd turn to working from home and self-employment. This seclusion is needed for security, but at the same time is very detrimental to any hope of social development.

I have had more jobs that I can even count. Most days I would be in whats called a brain fog. This is where you feel like you are not really there. Like someone else is at the controls and you are just watching yourself do things.

I searched for many years for something that would help. I still have no clue how I managed to get married. We fought like mad every day and struggled for years. I treated my poor wife very badly. One day, my wife suggested a vitamin supplement. I resisted for a while because it just seemed to easy and I did not want to be disappointed when they did not work.

I ordered and took them out of desperation. I was willing to try most anything to find some relief from the mental pain I was in every single day of my life. I thought that everyone hated me, everyone was out to get me, and I was worthless. I had no value at all and I would never amount to anything. I got the vitamins and started taking them and they worked. Now, other things helped like God, Writing in a journal, talking with others and such, but the vitamins were a miracle. It was like night and day.

When I don’t take them, I slip back into the fog. Im convinced that nutrition plays a major role in Avpd. I wont say that good nutrition is the cure, but I will say that if it was not for these vitamins, I probably would not be alive today.







This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidant Personality the book

It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.

• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author



If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.




This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidant Personality the book

It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.

• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author



If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.




This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Avoidance Story

Hi Everyone,

We wont be able to do the meeting tomorrow. My family is here from Texas visiting, so it wont be possible for me to hold the meeting tomorrow. I may or may not be able to hold it next Sunday either depending on if my family is still here.

I wanted to tide everyone over since we have went a while without a meeting. Here is an excerpt my the book I am writing. If you have any questions, please email them to me and I can answer those.

Outside the birds were chirping, the sun was warm, and the roses were in full bloom. Inside, Bob was feeling rejected, defeated, and like he could climb under a rock and die. It was as if someone had pulled the cork on his body and drained all the energy out his body, like a mechanic draining oil from a car. What had brought Bob to this state was the thought of going to the mall with his wife, Jennifer.

Jennifer had been looking forward to going to the mall with her husband all week. She went to the mall so often, that the last time she went, one of the employees at her favorite store Jakes, asked for her employee ID so he could give her a discount. For Bob, the thought of going to a mall was a nightmare. Jennifer begged him to go with her. When Bob said that he just could not do it, Jennifer would cry and tell Bob that she felt invaluable and not worth his time, so Bob gave in like he always did. Bob and Jennifer got to the mall and the onslaught ensued. The first store they walked into was JC Penny’s.

Bob felt his mind start to be pulled apart. Every one of these hundreds of people in the store was a potential enemy, and it was his minds jobs to sort them out. Each one had to be assigned a combatant classification based on how much of a threat they posed. Threats included those that were too small, too short, too good looking, too ugly, too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, and a 100 others. These judgments were applied to every one of the hundreds of people that came into and out of Bob’s view for the entire time he was in the Mall. This crowd of people was constantly changing, so these thousands of assessments happened over and over again in Bob’s mind.

At some point, so much mental energy was being used up that Bob’s body just could not handle it anymore. His brain had turned to mush, his body became limp and he had trouble walking. He became incapable of talking and had to sit. He began to get sick to his stomach and felt like he was going to throw up. This is the pain that Bob felt when faced with any social situation. The mall was just the worst of the worst.

When Bob and Jennifer got home from the mall, the unavoidable fight ensued. Jennifer accused Bob of not talking to her and ignoring her. These days, combined with Bob’s other symptoms like Depression, Society Phobia, Social Anxiety, a host of fears like Going outside, being alone, being with people, being rejected, and failure. Bob’s life was a living hell. Jennifer tried to understand Bob, but she just could not get there. After all, it was completely illogical to have such hang ups. She had told him this a thousand times. “Avoidance, Bob? You have to be kidding me. That’s just an excuse. Get over it”.

Jennifer and Bob’s marriage was on their very last thread. This is why Jenifer had started retreating into her 80’s world of listening to the Bee Gees. She felt unappreciated, defeated, unloved and ready to give up. She was sure that she could get back out there and find another man that did not use excuses like this Avoidant Personality and love her like she needed to be loved. She starred out her window and thought about her horrible excuse for a marriage. One fight in particular was the subject of many of her thoughts these days. The fight had been so bad that Bob had kicked her out of their car, left her on the side of the road, pregnant, wet, and 5 miles from home.



Jennifer wanted to ask for a divorce with everything in her, but something told her to hang on just a little longer. Sunday came and Jennifer drug Bob to Church. The Pastor talked about healing. Not just the quick and easy healing, that costs nothing, that so many pastors preached, but a healing that would take time, but last a lifetime. Bob had mustered the courage and strength to go down to the front for prayer. He had no idea where this came from. It was an odd feeling unlike any he had felt before. Later on, he realized that God, the ruler of the universe, had actually taken the time to reach into Bob’s pathetic life and give him a gift. A gift of strength, courage, and love. Bob stood up, walked down to the front, and asked the Pastor to pray for him.

The Pastor prayed a simple prayer. Not the long winded type, that so many Pastors used to bring glory to themselves, but a simple prayer that asked God to finish the work that he had begun already. That evening, after Bob had returned home, there was a hope there that Bob had not had since Bob had been saved some 30 years ago. Bob felt like a veil had been lifted from his mind, his, heart and his very life. Bob knew that his Avoidance was not going to go away overnight, but was going to require work. For the first time in Bob’s life, this work seemed possible. Bob was determined to do the work and find the healing for his marriage and his Avoidance. That too would not happen overnight. There were years of hurt, and pain to be overcome, but now that God as in the picture, it was not only possible, but would happen.

Phillip

To win against Avoidance, you have to find healing as a whole

Hi Everyone,

Today I wanted to talk just a bit about healing. Now we have Avoidance, or a related issue, so this is what we want healing from. But this applies to your entire life. We are beings of Spirit, Body and Mind. While here on this earth, we cannot separate one from the other.

Where one goes, the others follow. In other words, if you are weak in one area, the others will be weak as well. Some people focus on one aspect of themselves while ignoring the others. For example, some will become work out fiends. They work out and make this their sole mission on life. But they ignore the spiritual aspect, and do nothing for their minds.

After a while of this, they become people with great bodies, but are usually pretty light in the other areas, if they exist at all. Eventually, the entire person fails. Same concept with those that focus on the Spirit only, or the mind only.

All 3 need to be in tune with each other. Now how does this apply to Avoidance. Well, Avpd is a mental disorder. To overcome Avoidance, you have to look at all 3 things that make up you. Mind, Body and Spirit. If any one of those 3 is not being addressed, healing cannot take place. At least not a well and lasting healing.

In our next meeting, we will look at his more in depth.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/needsmet/2016/04/03/group-for-people-that-suffer-from-avoidant-personality-other-similar-disorders





This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.

Todays Group

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/needsmet/2016/03/06/group-for-people-that-suffer-from-avoidant-personality-other-similar-disorders



This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.