I am working hard on developing classes for those with Avpd and similar disorders. The class will also be for those that are trying to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd or similar. I hope to have these up and running soon.
I am also working on a book as well that I hope to have up by the end of the year. There are sooo many of you out there that have Avpd, think you have have Avpd, or you are trying desperately to be in a relationship with someone that has Avpd. The main thing I want to say to all of you out there is Never Give up!
I know its hard. I wanted to give up many a time myself. But if I had given up, I would not be in a place now where I can help others find hope and healing from Avpd. And I would not now have a successful marriage and a thriving daughter. So please stay tuned, I wil have more soon.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Avoidant Personality
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Monday, March 6, 2017
Help is on the way
It has been a while since I have written anything here. Life is a lot better now than it used to be. While I wont say that I am 100% healed from Avpd, I will say that I am most of the way there. Probably 80 to 90% healed. I get asked all the time why I am not healed 100%.
When I first got asked that question, I had to stop and think. After all, cant God heal us completely? We say this all the time in our Churches, right?
In fact, Im sure that you are heard it said as well. It seems to be a pretty common "Get out of jail free card" that is often heard in Church. "What, you have ___ (Fill in the blank with any illness), but you are not being healed. You must be in sin, not have enough Faith, or there is some other reason why God has chosen not to heal you."
To this I say Poppy Cock. There are lots and lots of people in this world that do not get healing. Why is just one of those things we dont know. But that by no way necessarily means we dont have the faith, or there is sin or whatever.
Im my case, God told me that he was not going to heal me completely. Why? Well, if you ever read the story of Paul, you will see my story in there as well. I asked God several times to heal me and each time, He said that his grace is sufficient for me. Now what in the world does that mean?
In our lingo, it just means that God is not going to heal me completely because I would get a big head about it. Often in our lives, when we get a lot of money, or relief from whatever, we decide that we dont need God anymore. Its a common problem that affects many of us. When we are poor, or in some other need, we cry out to God.
But once those needs are met, all the sudden, God takes a back seat, if he is even that close. More often than not, we completely forget about God. This is the biggest reason why God allows us to stay in need.
Avpd is the "thorn in my side" that God is not going to fully remove so that I stay close to him and will always know that God is where my strength comes from.
I have 2 things to say today. Dont Give Up! In fact this is the main message of my entire life and the biggest one that I want to drive home. No matter how bad things may look, do not give up. Help is on the way. God often does not seem to show up when we want him too. God lives outside of time. We, on the other hand, or bound to time. So maybe the reason why it takes time for help to get to us from God is due to the time zone difference.
2nd. Just because you have not yet been healed, or healed completely, dont let this get you down. God has a reason for this. Maybe it is so that you can help others. It is often said and true, that the best way to forget about your own problems is to help others.
Have a great day
Phillip
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
When I first got asked that question, I had to stop and think. After all, cant God heal us completely? We say this all the time in our Churches, right?
In fact, Im sure that you are heard it said as well. It seems to be a pretty common "Get out of jail free card" that is often heard in Church. "What, you have ___ (Fill in the blank with any illness), but you are not being healed. You must be in sin, not have enough Faith, or there is some other reason why God has chosen not to heal you."
To this I say Poppy Cock. There are lots and lots of people in this world that do not get healing. Why is just one of those things we dont know. But that by no way necessarily means we dont have the faith, or there is sin or whatever.
Im my case, God told me that he was not going to heal me completely. Why? Well, if you ever read the story of Paul, you will see my story in there as well. I asked God several times to heal me and each time, He said that his grace is sufficient for me. Now what in the world does that mean?
In our lingo, it just means that God is not going to heal me completely because I would get a big head about it. Often in our lives, when we get a lot of money, or relief from whatever, we decide that we dont need God anymore. Its a common problem that affects many of us. When we are poor, or in some other need, we cry out to God.
But once those needs are met, all the sudden, God takes a back seat, if he is even that close. More often than not, we completely forget about God. This is the biggest reason why God allows us to stay in need.
Avpd is the "thorn in my side" that God is not going to fully remove so that I stay close to him and will always know that God is where my strength comes from.
I have 2 things to say today. Dont Give Up! In fact this is the main message of my entire life and the biggest one that I want to drive home. No matter how bad things may look, do not give up. Help is on the way. God often does not seem to show up when we want him too. God lives outside of time. We, on the other hand, or bound to time. So maybe the reason why it takes time for help to get to us from God is due to the time zone difference.
2nd. Just because you have not yet been healed, or healed completely, dont let this get you down. God has a reason for this. Maybe it is so that you can help others. It is often said and true, that the best way to forget about your own problems is to help others.
Have a great day
Phillip
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Why no one is researching Avpd and other mental issues
Good Morning,
As far as I know, there have not been any studies done on Avpd, what causes it, and what might cure it. If you look up on the internet on possible cures, all the data you will find will say that same things. Everyone including professionals will tell you that they dont know what causes Avpd and certainly have no idea how to cure it.
Well, to all this I say Poppy Cock!
I am in the process of writing a book on Avpd. I will be exploring these subjects in depth with as much in the way of hard facts as I can. All my energies and research is going into getting my book finished.
The reality is that the professional community is not really interested in figuring out what causes Avpd and what might cure it. Why you might ask. Well, there are several reasons for this. First, those will Avpd are a relatively small minority of the population on the world, though Avpd is on the upswing. It is a bit like those that create viruses for Mac's vs creating them for PC's.
The reason is simple. There are a lot more Pc's out there than Mac's. If you are someone that creates viruses with the intent of causing damage to people's computers. Which would you do? Would you write a virus that effects millions and millions of computers around the world, or one that effects a few hundred thousand?
(I do not know how many PC's there are in the world compares to Mac's, so I am just using millions to hundreds of thousands as a general # for comparison)
If you are a virus writer, or a terrorist, you want to infect the max number of computers that will hurt the max # of people all over the world. That # by far is the PC market. That plus writing viruses for PC's is easy compared to Mac's which are a lot harder to create a god effective virus for.
We can use this very same analogy for money and research for diseases and disorders. If you are a large pharmaceutical company, scientist, other professional that does this kind of research, how are you going to decide what to research?
Are you going to put money and research towards something that seems to effect millions and millions of people and could result in millions and millions of income from the resulting drugs? Or would you put those research dollars toward something that seems to effect only a handful of people (In population terms) and would have a pretty low ROI (Return on Investment) in terms of those that would buy the drugs to supposedly cure the problem?
In case you dont know the answer, I will give it to you. Research and grant money goes towards issues like Cancer and those other diseases and effect millions upon millions of people and will result in millions and millions of dollars in revenue from the drugs that are produced by the research.
Other conditions like Cancer, Alzheimer, Autism, Muscular Dystrophy and such as these get the lions share of research grant money and probably always will. Now I am in no way saying that these are not worthy issues that need research and money thrown at them, so dont hear me wrong. What I am saying is that mental issues like Avpd get little to no money thrown at them and get little to no research done.
The reason is simple. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!
Cancer and these other medical issues are very visible. Those that have them make a lot of noise. They are all over the news, social media and everywhere else you look. People with Avoidance..Avoid, Go figure right?
Also those with Avpd and other mental issues like Depression and such can seem perfectly normal on the outside. Reality is that Avpd and these other are a ticking time bomb, like those terrorist. The difference is that those with mental issues dont want to hurt anyone. But one day, perhaps many years or even decades down the line, we blow up.
Until we blow, we are silent. There are several problems with silence but the main one goes back to my initial point. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Since we are silent, the world thinks there is no problem there, so...no grant money, and no research. So it seems that at least for now, this is up to us.
I am here to tell you that here is a cause for Avpd and these other issues and there is a cure. I am going to have to leave this at that for now. It will be best to cover this where I can do it in depth and do justice to the issue. I will try to post more as days go by, but the bulk of my time as to be spent writing my book. So please stay tuned!
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
As far as I know, there have not been any studies done on Avpd, what causes it, and what might cure it. If you look up on the internet on possible cures, all the data you will find will say that same things. Everyone including professionals will tell you that they dont know what causes Avpd and certainly have no idea how to cure it.
Well, to all this I say Poppy Cock!
I am in the process of writing a book on Avpd. I will be exploring these subjects in depth with as much in the way of hard facts as I can. All my energies and research is going into getting my book finished.
The reality is that the professional community is not really interested in figuring out what causes Avpd and what might cure it. Why you might ask. Well, there are several reasons for this. First, those will Avpd are a relatively small minority of the population on the world, though Avpd is on the upswing. It is a bit like those that create viruses for Mac's vs creating them for PC's.
The reason is simple. There are a lot more Pc's out there than Mac's. If you are someone that creates viruses with the intent of causing damage to people's computers. Which would you do? Would you write a virus that effects millions and millions of computers around the world, or one that effects a few hundred thousand?
(I do not know how many PC's there are in the world compares to Mac's, so I am just using millions to hundreds of thousands as a general # for comparison)
If you are a virus writer, or a terrorist, you want to infect the max number of computers that will hurt the max # of people all over the world. That # by far is the PC market. That plus writing viruses for PC's is easy compared to Mac's which are a lot harder to create a god effective virus for.
We can use this very same analogy for money and research for diseases and disorders. If you are a large pharmaceutical company, scientist, other professional that does this kind of research, how are you going to decide what to research?
Are you going to put money and research towards something that seems to effect millions and millions of people and could result in millions and millions of income from the resulting drugs? Or would you put those research dollars toward something that seems to effect only a handful of people (In population terms) and would have a pretty low ROI (Return on Investment) in terms of those that would buy the drugs to supposedly cure the problem?
In case you dont know the answer, I will give it to you. Research and grant money goes towards issues like Cancer and those other diseases and effect millions upon millions of people and will result in millions and millions of dollars in revenue from the drugs that are produced by the research.
Other conditions like Cancer, Alzheimer, Autism, Muscular Dystrophy and such as these get the lions share of research grant money and probably always will. Now I am in no way saying that these are not worthy issues that need research and money thrown at them, so dont hear me wrong. What I am saying is that mental issues like Avpd get little to no money thrown at them and get little to no research done.
The reason is simple. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!
Cancer and these other medical issues are very visible. Those that have them make a lot of noise. They are all over the news, social media and everywhere else you look. People with Avoidance..Avoid, Go figure right?
Also those with Avpd and other mental issues like Depression and such can seem perfectly normal on the outside. Reality is that Avpd and these other are a ticking time bomb, like those terrorist. The difference is that those with mental issues dont want to hurt anyone. But one day, perhaps many years or even decades down the line, we blow up.
Until we blow, we are silent. There are several problems with silence but the main one goes back to my initial point. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Since we are silent, the world thinks there is no problem there, so...no grant money, and no research. So it seems that at least for now, this is up to us.
I am here to tell you that here is a cause for Avpd and these other issues and there is a cure. I am going to have to leave this at that for now. It will be best to cover this where I can do it in depth and do justice to the issue. I will try to post more as days go by, but the bulk of my time as to be spent writing my book. So please stay tuned!
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
My Life with Avpd- The condensed version
When I was the Air Force, I was diagnosed with something called Avoidant Personality (Also known as AvPD). I went to see a shrink there because I was unable to be around women. I would get physically ill around them.
It was a huge relief when I was diagnosed with Avoidance. But it was also hard to be labeled. So it was a double edged sword sort of thing.
All of my life I have felt different and weird. I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a world full of square holes. This is why in school, I was a hermit. I kept to myself and talked to no one.
Up until I was diagnosed with Avoidance, I was lost. Once I was diagnosed, at least I knew why I was the way I was and could work on it. It has taken decades to figure things out, but I finally have. These days I do pretty well. I still have my down days and days that I want to go crawl under a rock, but for the most part, I do well.
When I was in the Air Force, I got sent to something called Correctional Custody, which made my Avpd 1000 times worse. I wont go into all the detail, but in short, the sergeants there did everything they could to tear me down, convince me I was worthless and other such fun things like that.
Now back to the Avpd. The short definition of Avpd is that you avoid things. We avid women, men, social functions, going to the store or most anyplace else where there are strangers and avoid pretty much every aspect of life.
Avoidants keep a very very small circle of friends. Most that have Avpd have no friends at all. Most of the friends we have are those at work and those are mostly just acquaintances that we deal with cause its part of work and we have to.
If an Avpd has worked in 1 job for a lot of years, its possible that they get comfortable enough to make friends, or some semblance of friendships. But outside of this, the rest of the world is a very scary place and one to be…you guessed it, Avoided.
One on one relationships, come fairly easy. But in groups of any size at all, panic sets in and its impossible to function. The meaning of “A group of any size” can be different from one Avoidant to the other, but typically its not more than 2 or 3 at the most. The larger the group, the worse it is and the more likely the person with Avpd is to run away or not go at all.
Or if the Avpd person is forced to go, he or she will just sit in a corner and mope or cower. Avoidants are shy, but really beyond shy. Extreme shyness would be the best description. Social function terrify the one with Avpd. Avpders fear most everything. Few are able to have a successful marriage, must less get married.
If one with Avpd does manage to have a successful relationship, it will likely either be a gay relationship (because the same sex are the more comfortable and secure to deal with), or it will be a person of the opposite sex that is submissive and easily dominated. The only relationships that a Avpd person is able to deal with as those that make him feel like he or she is powerful and like that one in charge.
If the other person in the relationship is strong willed, one of few things will likely happen.
• The strain will become too great and the relationship/marriage will fail.
• The other person in the relationship will develop physical symptoms (cancer, Peripheral neuritis, or others illnesses) due to the stress and strain of trying to cope with the one with Avpd.
• The other person will become passive
Those with Avpd are, or will become, very paranoid unless they find a way to fit into society. This might take on the form of a job where they are the boss. This allows them to function because they are able to tell others what to do and not be told what the do. This gives them a sense of security.
If the paranoia continues long enough, a full mental breakdown can occur leading to acting out an act of violence. Those with Avpd can either be victims of domestic violence or the abusers depending on the dynamics of the relationship/marriage.
Most with Avpd attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Others may not attempt outright suicide, but find other things to help them cope like drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs are just a slower form of suicide unless an overdose is taken.
One with Avpd often is a job hoper going from job to job because they simply cannot function unless they find a way to get to the top of the pile quickly. Many with Avpd turn to working from home and self-employment. This seclusion is needed for security, but at the same time is very detrimental to any hope of social development.
I have had more jobs that I can even count. Most days I would be in whats called a brain fog. This is where you feel like you are not really there. Like someone else is at the controls and you are just watching yourself do things.
I searched for many years for something that would help. I still have no clue how I managed to get married. We fought like mad every day and struggled for years. I treated my poor wife very badly. One day, my wife suggested a vitamin supplement. I resisted for a while because it just seemed to easy and I did not want to be disappointed when they did not work.
I ordered and took them out of desperation. I was willing to try most anything to find some relief from the mental pain I was in every single day of my life. I thought that everyone hated me, everyone was out to get me, and I was worthless. I had no value at all and I would never amount to anything. I got the vitamins and started taking them and they worked. Now, other things helped like God, Writing in a journal, talking with others and such, but the vitamins were a miracle. It was like night and day.
When I don’t take them, I slip back into the fog. Im convinced that nutrition plays a major role in Avpd. I wont say that good nutrition is the cure, but I will say that if it was not for these vitamins, I probably would not be alive today.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
When I was the Air Force, I was diagnosed with something called Avoidant Personality (Also known as AvPD). I went to see a shrink there because I was unable to be around women. I would get physically ill around them.
It was a huge relief when I was diagnosed with Avoidance. But it was also hard to be labeled. So it was a double edged sword sort of thing.
All of my life I have felt different and weird. I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a world full of square holes. This is why in school, I was a hermit. I kept to myself and talked to no one.
Up until I was diagnosed with Avoidance, I was lost. Once I was diagnosed, at least I knew why I was the way I was and could work on it. It has taken decades to figure things out, but I finally have. These days I do pretty well. I still have my down days and days that I want to go crawl under a rock, but for the most part, I do well.
When I was in the Air Force, I got sent to something called Correctional Custody, which made my Avpd 1000 times worse. I wont go into all the detail, but in short, the sergeants there did everything they could to tear me down, convince me I was worthless and other such fun things like that.
Now back to the Avpd. The short definition of Avpd is that you avoid things. We avid women, men, social functions, going to the store or most anyplace else where there are strangers and avoid pretty much every aspect of life.
Avoidants keep a very very small circle of friends. Most that have Avpd have no friends at all. Most of the friends we have are those at work and those are mostly just acquaintances that we deal with cause its part of work and we have to.
If an Avpd has worked in 1 job for a lot of years, its possible that they get comfortable enough to make friends, or some semblance of friendships. But outside of this, the rest of the world is a very scary place and one to be…you guessed it, Avoided.
One on one relationships, come fairly easy. But in groups of any size at all, panic sets in and its impossible to function. The meaning of “A group of any size” can be different from one Avoidant to the other, but typically its not more than 2 or 3 at the most. The larger the group, the worse it is and the more likely the person with Avpd is to run away or not go at all.
Or if the Avpd person is forced to go, he or she will just sit in a corner and mope or cower. Avoidants are shy, but really beyond shy. Extreme shyness would be the best description. Social function terrify the one with Avpd. Avpders fear most everything. Few are able to have a successful marriage, must less get married.
If one with Avpd does manage to have a successful relationship, it will likely either be a gay relationship (because the same sex are the more comfortable and secure to deal with), or it will be a person of the opposite sex that is submissive and easily dominated. The only relationships that a Avpd person is able to deal with as those that make him feel like he or she is powerful and like that one in charge.
If the other person in the relationship is strong willed, one of few things will likely happen.
• The strain will become too great and the relationship/marriage will fail.
• The other person in the relationship will develop physical symptoms (cancer, Peripheral neuritis, or others illnesses) due to the stress and strain of trying to cope with the one with Avpd.
• The other person will become passive
Those with Avpd are, or will become, very paranoid unless they find a way to fit into society. This might take on the form of a job where they are the boss. This allows them to function because they are able to tell others what to do and not be told what the do. This gives them a sense of security.
If the paranoia continues long enough, a full mental breakdown can occur leading to acting out an act of violence. Those with Avpd can either be victims of domestic violence or the abusers depending on the dynamics of the relationship/marriage.
Most with Avpd attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Others may not attempt outright suicide, but find other things to help them cope like drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs are just a slower form of suicide unless an overdose is taken.
One with Avpd often is a job hoper going from job to job because they simply cannot function unless they find a way to get to the top of the pile quickly. Many with Avpd turn to working from home and self-employment. This seclusion is needed for security, but at the same time is very detrimental to any hope of social development.
I have had more jobs that I can even count. Most days I would be in whats called a brain fog. This is where you feel like you are not really there. Like someone else is at the controls and you are just watching yourself do things.
I searched for many years for something that would help. I still have no clue how I managed to get married. We fought like mad every day and struggled for years. I treated my poor wife very badly. One day, my wife suggested a vitamin supplement. I resisted for a while because it just seemed to easy and I did not want to be disappointed when they did not work.
I ordered and took them out of desperation. I was willing to try most anything to find some relief from the mental pain I was in every single day of my life. I thought that everyone hated me, everyone was out to get me, and I was worthless. I had no value at all and I would never amount to anything. I got the vitamins and started taking them and they worked. Now, other things helped like God, Writing in a journal, talking with others and such, but the vitamins were a miracle. It was like night and day.
When I don’t take them, I slip back into the fog. Im convinced that nutrition plays a major role in Avpd. I wont say that good nutrition is the cure, but I will say that if it was not for these vitamins, I probably would not be alive today.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Avoidant Personality the book
It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.
• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author
If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author
If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Avoidant Personality the book
It has been a while since I have posted anything here. I am been very busy with writing my book on Avoidance. My hope is to have it done by the end of the year. I thought that I would post the chapters that I have so far.
• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author
If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
• Why I wrote this book
• Who can use this book
• How to use this book
• Meet the Normans
• What is Avoidant Personality?
• When I became a Christian, why didn’t Avoidance go away?
• You are not alone
• Should I get officially diagnosed?
• What caused this?
• Everyone hates me
• My life as a puppet
• Relationships
• Communication Problems
• Blackouts
• Trouble Sleeping
• Touching, closeness & hugs oh my!
• Should I tell others?
• Why cant I just get over it?
• Baby Steps
• What can I do to overcome Avpd?
• “Why does God not heal me?”
• 3 in 1
• Don’t ever ever give up
• Does 1 size fit all?
• What causes Avpd?
• Are you thinking of suicide?
• You are not your disorder.
• What is the cure?
• Meet the Author
If anyone has any ideas for any subjects they want me to cover, or any suggestions, you can reach me here.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Avoidance Story
Hi Everyone,
We wont be able to do the meeting tomorrow. My family is here from Texas visiting, so it wont be possible for me to hold the meeting tomorrow. I may or may not be able to hold it next Sunday either depending on if my family is still here.
I wanted to tide everyone over since we have went a while without a meeting. Here is an excerpt my the book I am writing. If you have any questions, please email them to me and I can answer those.
Outside the birds were chirping, the sun was warm, and the roses were in full bloom. Inside, Bob was feeling rejected, defeated, and like he could climb under a rock and die. It was as if someone had pulled the cork on his body and drained all the energy out his body, like a mechanic draining oil from a car. What had brought Bob to this state was the thought of going to the mall with his wife, Jennifer.
Jennifer had been looking forward to going to the mall with her husband all week. She went to the mall so often, that the last time she went, one of the employees at her favorite store Jakes, asked for her employee ID so he could give her a discount. For Bob, the thought of going to a mall was a nightmare. Jennifer begged him to go with her. When Bob said that he just could not do it, Jennifer would cry and tell Bob that she felt invaluable and not worth his time, so Bob gave in like he always did. Bob and Jennifer got to the mall and the onslaught ensued. The first store they walked into was JC Penny’s.
Bob felt his mind start to be pulled apart. Every one of these hundreds of people in the store was a potential enemy, and it was his minds jobs to sort them out. Each one had to be assigned a combatant classification based on how much of a threat they posed. Threats included those that were too small, too short, too good looking, too ugly, too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, and a 100 others. These judgments were applied to every one of the hundreds of people that came into and out of Bob’s view for the entire time he was in the Mall. This crowd of people was constantly changing, so these thousands of assessments happened over and over again in Bob’s mind.
At some point, so much mental energy was being used up that Bob’s body just could not handle it anymore. His brain had turned to mush, his body became limp and he had trouble walking. He became incapable of talking and had to sit. He began to get sick to his stomach and felt like he was going to throw up. This is the pain that Bob felt when faced with any social situation. The mall was just the worst of the worst.
When Bob and Jennifer got home from the mall, the unavoidable fight ensued. Jennifer accused Bob of not talking to her and ignoring her. These days, combined with Bob’s other symptoms like Depression, Society Phobia, Social Anxiety, a host of fears like Going outside, being alone, being with people, being rejected, and failure. Bob’s life was a living hell. Jennifer tried to understand Bob, but she just could not get there. After all, it was completely illogical to have such hang ups. She had told him this a thousand times. “Avoidance, Bob? You have to be kidding me. That’s just an excuse. Get over it”.
Jennifer and Bob’s marriage was on their very last thread. This is why Jenifer had started retreating into her 80’s world of listening to the Bee Gees. She felt unappreciated, defeated, unloved and ready to give up. She was sure that she could get back out there and find another man that did not use excuses like this Avoidant Personality and love her like she needed to be loved. She starred out her window and thought about her horrible excuse for a marriage. One fight in particular was the subject of many of her thoughts these days. The fight had been so bad that Bob had kicked her out of their car, left her on the side of the road, pregnant, wet, and 5 miles from home.
Jennifer wanted to ask for a divorce with everything in her, but something told her to hang on just a little longer. Sunday came and Jennifer drug Bob to Church. The Pastor talked about healing. Not just the quick and easy healing, that costs nothing, that so many pastors preached, but a healing that would take time, but last a lifetime. Bob had mustered the courage and strength to go down to the front for prayer. He had no idea where this came from. It was an odd feeling unlike any he had felt before. Later on, he realized that God, the ruler of the universe, had actually taken the time to reach into Bob’s pathetic life and give him a gift. A gift of strength, courage, and love. Bob stood up, walked down to the front, and asked the Pastor to pray for him.
The Pastor prayed a simple prayer. Not the long winded type, that so many Pastors used to bring glory to themselves, but a simple prayer that asked God to finish the work that he had begun already. That evening, after Bob had returned home, there was a hope there that Bob had not had since Bob had been saved some 30 years ago. Bob felt like a veil had been lifted from his mind, his, heart and his very life. Bob knew that his Avoidance was not going to go away overnight, but was going to require work. For the first time in Bob’s life, this work seemed possible. Bob was determined to do the work and find the healing for his marriage and his Avoidance. That too would not happen overnight. There were years of hurt, and pain to be overcome, but now that God as in the picture, it was not only possible, but would happen.
Phillip
We wont be able to do the meeting tomorrow. My family is here from Texas visiting, so it wont be possible for me to hold the meeting tomorrow. I may or may not be able to hold it next Sunday either depending on if my family is still here.
I wanted to tide everyone over since we have went a while without a meeting. Here is an excerpt my the book I am writing. If you have any questions, please email them to me and I can answer those.
Outside the birds were chirping, the sun was warm, and the roses were in full bloom. Inside, Bob was feeling rejected, defeated, and like he could climb under a rock and die. It was as if someone had pulled the cork on his body and drained all the energy out his body, like a mechanic draining oil from a car. What had brought Bob to this state was the thought of going to the mall with his wife, Jennifer.
Jennifer had been looking forward to going to the mall with her husband all week. She went to the mall so often, that the last time she went, one of the employees at her favorite store Jakes, asked for her employee ID so he could give her a discount. For Bob, the thought of going to a mall was a nightmare. Jennifer begged him to go with her. When Bob said that he just could not do it, Jennifer would cry and tell Bob that she felt invaluable and not worth his time, so Bob gave in like he always did. Bob and Jennifer got to the mall and the onslaught ensued. The first store they walked into was JC Penny’s.
Bob felt his mind start to be pulled apart. Every one of these hundreds of people in the store was a potential enemy, and it was his minds jobs to sort them out. Each one had to be assigned a combatant classification based on how much of a threat they posed. Threats included those that were too small, too short, too good looking, too ugly, too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, and a 100 others. These judgments were applied to every one of the hundreds of people that came into and out of Bob’s view for the entire time he was in the Mall. This crowd of people was constantly changing, so these thousands of assessments happened over and over again in Bob’s mind.
At some point, so much mental energy was being used up that Bob’s body just could not handle it anymore. His brain had turned to mush, his body became limp and he had trouble walking. He became incapable of talking and had to sit. He began to get sick to his stomach and felt like he was going to throw up. This is the pain that Bob felt when faced with any social situation. The mall was just the worst of the worst.
When Bob and Jennifer got home from the mall, the unavoidable fight ensued. Jennifer accused Bob of not talking to her and ignoring her. These days, combined with Bob’s other symptoms like Depression, Society Phobia, Social Anxiety, a host of fears like Going outside, being alone, being with people, being rejected, and failure. Bob’s life was a living hell. Jennifer tried to understand Bob, but she just could not get there. After all, it was completely illogical to have such hang ups. She had told him this a thousand times. “Avoidance, Bob? You have to be kidding me. That’s just an excuse. Get over it”.
Jennifer and Bob’s marriage was on their very last thread. This is why Jenifer had started retreating into her 80’s world of listening to the Bee Gees. She felt unappreciated, defeated, unloved and ready to give up. She was sure that she could get back out there and find another man that did not use excuses like this Avoidant Personality and love her like she needed to be loved. She starred out her window and thought about her horrible excuse for a marriage. One fight in particular was the subject of many of her thoughts these days. The fight had been so bad that Bob had kicked her out of their car, left her on the side of the road, pregnant, wet, and 5 miles from home.
Jennifer wanted to ask for a divorce with everything in her, but something told her to hang on just a little longer. Sunday came and Jennifer drug Bob to Church. The Pastor talked about healing. Not just the quick and easy healing, that costs nothing, that so many pastors preached, but a healing that would take time, but last a lifetime. Bob had mustered the courage and strength to go down to the front for prayer. He had no idea where this came from. It was an odd feeling unlike any he had felt before. Later on, he realized that God, the ruler of the universe, had actually taken the time to reach into Bob’s pathetic life and give him a gift. A gift of strength, courage, and love. Bob stood up, walked down to the front, and asked the Pastor to pray for him.
The Pastor prayed a simple prayer. Not the long winded type, that so many Pastors used to bring glory to themselves, but a simple prayer that asked God to finish the work that he had begun already. That evening, after Bob had returned home, there was a hope there that Bob had not had since Bob had been saved some 30 years ago. Bob felt like a veil had been lifted from his mind, his, heart and his very life. Bob knew that his Avoidance was not going to go away overnight, but was going to require work. For the first time in Bob’s life, this work seemed possible. Bob was determined to do the work and find the healing for his marriage and his Avoidance. That too would not happen overnight. There were years of hurt, and pain to be overcome, but now that God as in the picture, it was not only possible, but would happen.
Phillip
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