Me Help??

God made me a Pastor. Not quite sure why. Its hard being a Pastor when you really dont want to have anything to do with people.

All my life, I have been trying to figure out what God wanted me to do. And of course, if he wanted me to do something, why would he weigh me down with these problems to the point that I cant do them?

Well, my wife had a very good idea, as you usually does. She suggested that I should write a book about being an Avoidant. She suggested that perhaps the best ministry for me would be to speak to those that also suffer from this problem.

Makes sense for a couple reasons. First, if you have gone through some sort of experience with a problem in your life, you know it. You should write about what you know and are passionate about.

When we have an issue, and we recover from that issue, God usually wants us to minister to others that are struggling with the same issue. People can identify better with someone that has gone through what they are going through. Its the old story of; If you were an alcoholic, who would you want to talk to about recovering from Alcoholism? Someone that has never touched a drop? Or someone that has gone through getting drunk, passing out etc..., then was able to recover and even flourish without it?

I know for me that I would prefer to talk to someone that has recovered from being an Avoidant and not just someone that has read about it in text books. And the book would not just apply to Avoidants. Really anyone that has struggled with any problems like this. Mental issues like depression, anxiety, and a host of others might benefit. Maybe.

The question I am struggling with is should I start now to write about this while I am still in my midst of it? Or wait until god as delivered me?

So, I am going to try this out. Writing a book is a big scary endeavor for me. I have no idea where to start. I guess thats the hardest part about anything. Just getting started. I suppose in a way, I already have started. Im writing here. But to put this into a book format? Would anyone want to read it?


This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder or another like it.http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com

1 day is good, another is not and so it goes in my life

Yesterday was a really bad day. Today I feel like Im back to normal. Well, as normal as can be expected. After all these years, I still dont understand what causes these things and how to prevent them. Or perhaps there is no way to prevent them. I wish I knew.

Yesterday, I didn't even want to get out of bed. I work from home. And most of the time, its not very busy. I felt like crawling under a rock and never coming out. My wife came home around noon or so. When she talked to me, it was as if I was not really there talking to her of hearing what she was saying. Perhaps that was how an out of body experience feels. It was an odd feeling. Like I was not connected to my body at all. Just going through the motions.

No idea what caused it. Perhaps it was the Avoidant thing. Perhaps it was not enough sleep. Perhaps it was a lack of nutrition. Or a combo of all the above.

I made it through the day as I always manager to do. Around 5pm or so, I actually started to feel better. Today, I feel pretty much normal again. My wife suspects that I have sleep apnea. Wow. What other problems can I pile onto this body of mine?

Or maybe, just maybe, the sleep apnea is the root, or at least a good chuck of it. I dont know. I wish I did. All I know is that i have a very hard time functioning in this world I live in. I think its only my leaning on my faith in God that I can manage at all.

I have an appt with the Va on the 30th. Just a regular check up, but I am going to have the doc look into the sleep apnea thing.








This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also srtuggling with this disorder or another like it.http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com