Last nights group was on an experience that I had with my wife. My wife has a friend that is also an Avoidant. Click the link below to listen to it.
Avoidant Group 12/18/13
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Avoidant Personality
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Recorded Avoidanty Personlaity Group - My story
Well, Ive gone and done it. We held a Avoidant Group on Wednesday 12/4/13 at 7:00 pm MT.
I told my story.
Hope this does not get me kicked out of Pastors club!
:)
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I told my story.
Hope this does not get me kicked out of Pastors club!
:)
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
How to fight with an Avoidant Personality
I just recently started up my radio show/group for Avoidants. Its a huge undertaking and responsibility. Its not anything I take lightly. In fact, truth be told, I dont even want to do it.
My wife told me that since I am an Avoidant, I should just Avoid it!!
That made me laugh. But its something that I feel I just have to do. Plus I really do want to help others. After all, that's what I do. Or at least I try. Sometimes I wonder how in the world Jesus did it. He must have had all kinds of people coming up to him wanting help.
In the Jesus movies, we typically only see hearings. And perhaps this is all that there was. Its what we read in the Bible. My favorite Jesus movie is Jesus Christ Superstar. In this movie, there is a huge crowd that envelops Jesus and crowds him so much, that he is almost trampled. He throws up his hands and cries out for help.
We are given a few examples where Jesus had to get away from the crowds. I suspect that it may have indeed happened much like what I saw in that movie. In this day and age, if someone had lots of money and stands out on the street with that money in plain sight, they wont have it long.
Can you imagine someone standing out in the street handing out healing? My guess is that they just might be equally trampled and used.
What I have found is the greatest need is for those that want to know how to be in a relationship with an Avoidant. Its very hard to try to put myself in the shoes of someone that is normal. Most of the time, I can even figure out me. Much less someone that does not have these issues that I have.
However, I have my wife to lean on. I do my best to study her and learn from her. There is so much that I never learned when I was young. Im not sure if this is common to Avoidants or not, but I suspect that it is. For example, when I was young, I had very few, to no friends. As a result, I never developed social graces and such.
I heard of "How to win friends and influence people", but I could never get my hands on the book. Or maybe I was just waiting for the book to come out. I suppose its a bit like the "What came 1st, the chicken or the egg" conundrum. The egg could not have been 1st because a Chicken would have had to have been around to lay it.
And the Chicken could not have been 1st because the chicken need be hatched from an egg. (Of course as Christians, we know that the Chicken came 1st. God did not create an egg)
So in my situation, which came 1st? The Avoidant, or not knowing how to deal with people?
I need to be around people in order to learn social skills. But I need to learn social skills in order to be around people.
Back to my wife. I need to be able to put myself in her shoes in order to figure out how and why she is unable to communicate with me in the way I need her to. As an Avoidant, I avoid. Sounds pretty simple huh?
So in a normal relationship, when 2 people get in a fight, they hash it out. It might not be pretty, but its a necessary thing on order for 1 people to work things out. In a relationship with an Avoidant, there is 1 person missing. The "Normal" (For lack of a better word) puts us their dukes and prepares for the fight. They cant wait for the bell to ring so they can come out swinging. Of course in this case, the swings are verbal assaults.
In the other corner is the Avoidant. The avoidant is just trying to ignore the situation and really really hoping that this will all blow over quickly so they can go back to watching TV. The Avoidant wants to avoid conflict at all costs. They are thinking that it would hurt less if this was a real fight in a real boxing ring. At least the Avoidant could deal with real punches, and they would hurt so much less that the words that the other person is about to hurl his or her way.
The bell rings and its time to fight. If this were any normal relationship, the blows would have begun. They would continue until either one or the other is knocked out or they come to some sort of resolution.
But this is a special fight. Its between an Avoidant and a Normal. Its the fight in the century!
The bell has rung and...........
The Normal steps forward and starts swinging. But the swings catch nothing but air.
Wait, there is something wrong. Why is the Normal the only one standing? What happened to the Avoidant?
As the dust settles, we see the Avoidant cowering in the corner. He looks battered and beaten in. But how could this be? The Normal did not lay a glove on the Avoidant?
Not only is the Avodaint cowering in the corner, they are shaking uncontrollably.
Such is life with an Avoidant. We will do anything to avoid a fight or argument. All it takes is the hint of un-settlement coming our way and we collapse in misery. We are defeated before the fight even materializes. So how in the world does one fight or argue with an Avoidant?
The answer. Very Very Very Very carefully!!!
More later
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
My wife told me that since I am an Avoidant, I should just Avoid it!!
That made me laugh. But its something that I feel I just have to do. Plus I really do want to help others. After all, that's what I do. Or at least I try. Sometimes I wonder how in the world Jesus did it. He must have had all kinds of people coming up to him wanting help.
In the Jesus movies, we typically only see hearings. And perhaps this is all that there was. Its what we read in the Bible. My favorite Jesus movie is Jesus Christ Superstar. In this movie, there is a huge crowd that envelops Jesus and crowds him so much, that he is almost trampled. He throws up his hands and cries out for help.
We are given a few examples where Jesus had to get away from the crowds. I suspect that it may have indeed happened much like what I saw in that movie. In this day and age, if someone had lots of money and stands out on the street with that money in plain sight, they wont have it long.
Can you imagine someone standing out in the street handing out healing? My guess is that they just might be equally trampled and used.
What I have found is the greatest need is for those that want to know how to be in a relationship with an Avoidant. Its very hard to try to put myself in the shoes of someone that is normal. Most of the time, I can even figure out me. Much less someone that does not have these issues that I have.
However, I have my wife to lean on. I do my best to study her and learn from her. There is so much that I never learned when I was young. Im not sure if this is common to Avoidants or not, but I suspect that it is. For example, when I was young, I had very few, to no friends. As a result, I never developed social graces and such.
I heard of "How to win friends and influence people", but I could never get my hands on the book. Or maybe I was just waiting for the book to come out. I suppose its a bit like the "What came 1st, the chicken or the egg" conundrum. The egg could not have been 1st because a Chicken would have had to have been around to lay it.
And the Chicken could not have been 1st because the chicken need be hatched from an egg. (Of course as Christians, we know that the Chicken came 1st. God did not create an egg)
So in my situation, which came 1st? The Avoidant, or not knowing how to deal with people?
I need to be around people in order to learn social skills. But I need to learn social skills in order to be around people.
Back to my wife. I need to be able to put myself in her shoes in order to figure out how and why she is unable to communicate with me in the way I need her to. As an Avoidant, I avoid. Sounds pretty simple huh?
So in a normal relationship, when 2 people get in a fight, they hash it out. It might not be pretty, but its a necessary thing on order for 1 people to work things out. In a relationship with an Avoidant, there is 1 person missing. The "Normal" (For lack of a better word) puts us their dukes and prepares for the fight. They cant wait for the bell to ring so they can come out swinging. Of course in this case, the swings are verbal assaults.
In the other corner is the Avoidant. The avoidant is just trying to ignore the situation and really really hoping that this will all blow over quickly so they can go back to watching TV. The Avoidant wants to avoid conflict at all costs. They are thinking that it would hurt less if this was a real fight in a real boxing ring. At least the Avoidant could deal with real punches, and they would hurt so much less that the words that the other person is about to hurl his or her way.
The bell rings and its time to fight. If this were any normal relationship, the blows would have begun. They would continue until either one or the other is knocked out or they come to some sort of resolution.
But this is a special fight. Its between an Avoidant and a Normal. Its the fight in the century!
The bell has rung and...........
The Normal steps forward and starts swinging. But the swings catch nothing but air.
Wait, there is something wrong. Why is the Normal the only one standing? What happened to the Avoidant?
As the dust settles, we see the Avoidant cowering in the corner. He looks battered and beaten in. But how could this be? The Normal did not lay a glove on the Avoidant?
Not only is the Avodaint cowering in the corner, they are shaking uncontrollably.
Such is life with an Avoidant. We will do anything to avoid a fight or argument. All it takes is the hint of un-settlement coming our way and we collapse in misery. We are defeated before the fight even materializes. So how in the world does one fight or argue with an Avoidant?
The answer. Very Very Very Very carefully!!!
More later
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Recorded Avoidant Groups
We just finished our 2nd group. I hope that any that wanted to was able to attend. In case you did not get a chance to be there, here are links to both groups. If you have any ideas, suggestions, or thoughts on the group, please contact me.
1st Group
10-09-13
2nd Group - Keeping it Real - Avoidant Group
11-13-12
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
1st Group
10-09-13
2nd Group - Keeping it Real - Avoidant Group
11-13-12
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Avoidants everywhere come
Thank you to those that have taken our old survey. Unfortunately, it was only 10 questions. It was set up on a free account with Survey Monkey. The downside of being free is that they will not allow me to view all the responses or lengthen the survey unless I pay a monthly fee, which I cannot afford right now.
If you took the old survey, please retake it. The new one that I created on Google Docs is much much better and its free.
If you have not taken the survey, please consider doing so. Especially if you plan on coming to our group on Wednesday at 7:00 pm MT.
Taking the survey will help you understand yourself a little better, and will also help us. The hope is that we can find commonalities and things that link us together. Maybe we can learn a bit as to why we all suffer from this and maybe find things that will help in the healing process.
You should also click on "Follow" for this blog. By clicking on follow, you will get emails when there are new posts here.
We will be holding our Group every Wednesday night. If you are able, please come and check it out. If you are not able to listen live. I will be posting the recorded versions here as well. But if at all possible, please come to the live group.
This Wednesday, I will be sharing my personal testimony, which is my journey. I have to tell a joke here. It came from my wife. I told her how hard this was and how much I really did not want to hold the Group. She had this to say.
"Well, you could say that since you are an Avoidant, you avoided the group."
This is not easy for me. Even though I am a Pastor, it is very hard to talk openly about this part of my life. And really, being a Pastor makes it 100 times harder.
In our society, and in our Churches, Pastors are put on pedestals. They are thought of as perfect and unapproachable. Pastors and other ministers are the gospel just don't share their weakness. Maybe its because we want those that lead us to be without weakness. Maybe we need them to be strong.
I understand this. Strength is an admirable trait. But in our society, strength is confused with pride and arrogance. No one is perfect. None expect Jesus. For one to pretend to be perfect (without fault) is arrogant and prideful.
True strength is being vulnerable and transparent. It takes a big man, and a bigger Pastor, to admit that he is flawed. Its only in this being open and honest that we can find healing for this.
My challenge to all the Avoidants out there is to come.
You can sit in the back and just listen if you wish. You can be as vocal, or as silent as you wish. There will be no demands and no pressure at all. But I do ask that you come and give it a chance.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it.
Please complete our survey at this by clicking here. Your answers will help you understand yourself better and will also help us understand us all better.
I also started a group on Facebook. I have no idea if it will prove popular of not. Avoidants tend to want to avoid. Such is our nature. But if you do wish to tell your story, your struggles and your victories, you can use try out the facebook page. .
I am not a professional. I am an Avoidant Personality. Professionals are good and can help, but they learn about Avoidants, and other such disorders, from a book.
Though I do not know for sure, I suspect that I was born an Avoidant. Certain things have happened in my life that made it much worse. I have been healed from the disorder, and I am being healed from this disorder. That means that I still have my struggles. The healing I have received is an on-going process that I have to work out from day to day.
I am a Pastor and run Needs Met Church. As an Avoidant, I want to help others cope with this. We wil be holding this group every Wednesday at 7pm.
Please join us as we explore Avoidant Personalities, other mental disorders, and seek healing from them.
If you took the old survey, please retake it. The new one that I created on Google Docs is much much better and its free.
If you have not taken the survey, please consider doing so. Especially if you plan on coming to our group on Wednesday at 7:00 pm MT.
Taking the survey will help you understand yourself a little better, and will also help us. The hope is that we can find commonalities and things that link us together. Maybe we can learn a bit as to why we all suffer from this and maybe find things that will help in the healing process.
You should also click on "Follow" for this blog. By clicking on follow, you will get emails when there are new posts here.
We will be holding our Group every Wednesday night. If you are able, please come and check it out. If you are not able to listen live. I will be posting the recorded versions here as well. But if at all possible, please come to the live group.
This Wednesday, I will be sharing my personal testimony, which is my journey. I have to tell a joke here. It came from my wife. I told her how hard this was and how much I really did not want to hold the Group. She had this to say.
"Well, you could say that since you are an Avoidant, you avoided the group."
This is not easy for me. Even though I am a Pastor, it is very hard to talk openly about this part of my life. And really, being a Pastor makes it 100 times harder.
In our society, and in our Churches, Pastors are put on pedestals. They are thought of as perfect and unapproachable. Pastors and other ministers are the gospel just don't share their weakness. Maybe its because we want those that lead us to be without weakness. Maybe we need them to be strong.
I understand this. Strength is an admirable trait. But in our society, strength is confused with pride and arrogance. No one is perfect. None expect Jesus. For one to pretend to be perfect (without fault) is arrogant and prideful.
True strength is being vulnerable and transparent. It takes a big man, and a bigger Pastor, to admit that he is flawed. Its only in this being open and honest that we can find healing for this.
My challenge to all the Avoidants out there is to come.
You can sit in the back and just listen if you wish. You can be as vocal, or as silent as you wish. There will be no demands and no pressure at all. But I do ask that you come and give it a chance.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it.
Please complete our survey at this by clicking here. Your answers will help you understand yourself better and will also help us understand us all better.
I also started a group on Facebook. I have no idea if it will prove popular of not. Avoidants tend to want to avoid. Such is our nature. But if you do wish to tell your story, your struggles and your victories, you can use try out the facebook page. .
I am not a professional. I am an Avoidant Personality. Professionals are good and can help, but they learn about Avoidants, and other such disorders, from a book.
Though I do not know for sure, I suspect that I was born an Avoidant. Certain things have happened in my life that made it much worse. I have been healed from the disorder, and I am being healed from this disorder. That means that I still have my struggles. The healing I have received is an on-going process that I have to work out from day to day.
I am a Pastor and run Needs Met Church. As an Avoidant, I want to help others cope with this. We wil be holding this group every Wednesday at 7pm.
Please join us as we explore Avoidant Personalities, other mental disorders, and seek healing from them.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Avoidant service starting again on Wednesday 11/13/13
I have been very encouraged by the response so far to the Avoidant Service. We had our 1st group last month.
I had many people email me and ask when the next one was going to be held.
The next servcie will be this Wednesday the 13th at 7:00 pm MT.
This group is for;
Anyone that has been diagnosed as an Avoidant
Anyone that thinks that might be an Avoidant, but has not been diagnosed yet
Anyone that lives with, or is in a relationship with an Avoidant
Anyone that has a similar disorder. (Depression, Social Anxiety, etc...)
If I can get it set up in time, I may have a co-host. This is someone that is also an Avoidant, and just wants to share their struggles and victories. If anyone else out there is interested in being a co-host of the group, please contact me. I would love to have guest and special speakers come from time to time as well.
The purpose of this is simple.
To give Avoidants, and those will similar struggles, from all over the world, a safe place to go. A place where we can talk openly and honestly about our struggles and our victories. All I ask is that you keep it clean.
The recording of the group will be available for anyone to listen to, but I would prefer to have as many as possible attend live.
What I need to know is; Is Wednesday night a good time for the group? If not, is there a better day and time that you would like to have this on?
If you have any suggestions, ideas, or things that you would like to know more about, please let me know.
Click here for the service page.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I had many people email me and ask when the next one was going to be held.
The next servcie will be this Wednesday the 13th at 7:00 pm MT.
This group is for;
Anyone that has been diagnosed as an Avoidant
Anyone that thinks that might be an Avoidant, but has not been diagnosed yet
Anyone that lives with, or is in a relationship with an Avoidant
Anyone that has a similar disorder. (Depression, Social Anxiety, etc...)
If I can get it set up in time, I may have a co-host. This is someone that is also an Avoidant, and just wants to share their struggles and victories. If anyone else out there is interested in being a co-host of the group, please contact me. I would love to have guest and special speakers come from time to time as well.
The purpose of this is simple.
To give Avoidants, and those will similar struggles, from all over the world, a safe place to go. A place where we can talk openly and honestly about our struggles and our victories. All I ask is that you keep it clean.
The recording of the group will be available for anyone to listen to, but I would prefer to have as many as possible attend live.
What I need to know is; Is Wednesday night a good time for the group? If not, is there a better day and time that you would like to have this on?
If you have any suggestions, ideas, or things that you would like to know more about, please let me know.
Click here for the service page.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
The 1stAvoidant Group and the next one
The Avoidant Group was a success!
There was around 121 people at the group. What I didn't have was people interacting. I need people to come into chat, or even call in if you wish. I want to hear about your struggles and how you are coping with being an Avoidant.
What I also need is your ideas, suggestions, things you want to talk about, and such. Anything you have to say, I want to hear it.
If you have anything like this, please email them to me.
I am hoping to also get a professional to join us, but Im not sure if this is going to be possible. Most professionals may not want to join a group that is led by a non-professional.
So I will probably just end up looking for someone that wants to come and host the group with me. They either need to be a professional, or an Avoidant like me. They don't have to be recovered, or even recovering. If you are interested in applying for this, please email me and tell me why you think you would like to do this.
The focus of the group is that I am not a professional, but someone that is an Avoidant. The downside of professionals is that they learned about Avoidants from a book. I have lived it, and continue to live it.
I dont think its really possible for someone that is not an Avoidant to really understand what its like to BE AN AVOIDANT.
Of course, professionals do offer some advantages that I cannot. They often know statistics and such that I dont. They can tell you about some ways to deal with things that maybe I dont. And in some cases, even prescribe meds that I cannot.
Though I strongly recommend against meds unless you have experience with them or can be really really careful. Meds have a place and can be useful, but often meds that are prescribed to deal with depression and Avoidant type issues are worse have very very bad drawbacks.
For example, most anti-depression meds can actually cause deeper depression and suicide. Why these meds are prescribed is beyond me.
Many can cause you to have suicidal thoughts. Why would anyone want to take these seems just plain nuts to me!!
I dont have a format in mind for the group. I am completely open to however God would want to run this. We can just sit around and talk. That is perfectly fine.
I mainly just want to provide a place where Avoidants, and those like us, can go to. A place where everyone knows your name. Like in the old show Cheers.
Mark your calendars!
The next meeting for Avoidants will be November 13th at 7pm MT.
After this, I will be doing this every week, same bat time, same bat channel.
See ya all then!!!
And remember if you have any suggestions, ideas, or thought on how you want this to run, please let me know.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
There was around 121 people at the group. What I didn't have was people interacting. I need people to come into chat, or even call in if you wish. I want to hear about your struggles and how you are coping with being an Avoidant.
What I also need is your ideas, suggestions, things you want to talk about, and such. Anything you have to say, I want to hear it.
If you have anything like this, please email them to me.
I am hoping to also get a professional to join us, but Im not sure if this is going to be possible. Most professionals may not want to join a group that is led by a non-professional.
So I will probably just end up looking for someone that wants to come and host the group with me. They either need to be a professional, or an Avoidant like me. They don't have to be recovered, or even recovering. If you are interested in applying for this, please email me and tell me why you think you would like to do this.
The focus of the group is that I am not a professional, but someone that is an Avoidant. The downside of professionals is that they learned about Avoidants from a book. I have lived it, and continue to live it.
I dont think its really possible for someone that is not an Avoidant to really understand what its like to BE AN AVOIDANT.
Of course, professionals do offer some advantages that I cannot. They often know statistics and such that I dont. They can tell you about some ways to deal with things that maybe I dont. And in some cases, even prescribe meds that I cannot.
Though I strongly recommend against meds unless you have experience with them or can be really really careful. Meds have a place and can be useful, but often meds that are prescribed to deal with depression and Avoidant type issues are worse have very very bad drawbacks.
For example, most anti-depression meds can actually cause deeper depression and suicide. Why these meds are prescribed is beyond me.
Many can cause you to have suicidal thoughts. Why would anyone want to take these seems just plain nuts to me!!
I dont have a format in mind for the group. I am completely open to however God would want to run this. We can just sit around and talk. That is perfectly fine.
I mainly just want to provide a place where Avoidants, and those like us, can go to. A place where everyone knows your name. Like in the old show Cheers.
Mark your calendars!
The next meeting for Avoidants will be November 13th at 7pm MT.
After this, I will be doing this every week, same bat time, same bat channel.
See ya all then!!!
And remember if you have any suggestions, ideas, or thought on how you want this to run, please let me know.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Avoidant Group is tomorrow at 7:00 pm MT
Well, tomorrow is the big day. I am starting an on-line group for Avoidants and anyone else with similar issues.
I know there are a lot of us out there around the world. Even though I am a Pastor, I promise not to evangelize.
I only want for us to band together, learn from each other, share our experiences and such. Wednesday nights I call Keeping it Real. I do my best to not pull punches, and to not placate anyone.
I run Keeping it Real every Wednesday night at 7:00 pm MT. I decided to devote 1 Wednesday per month to Avoidants and other similar issues. If there is a good turn out and the interest, we can certainly do this more often than once a month.
I dont want to intimidate anyone. If you are ok with it, I would like for you to come into the Chat room. But you dont have to.
My hope is that others will want to share their experiences, their struggles, and their victories. But please dont feel like you have to. Though I really dont want to listen to myself talk for half an hour.
If you plan on coming to the group, please take a few moments and complete my Avoidant Survey. I will not share any of the information with anyone. This is just for statistical purposes and so that maybe we can learn more what makes us tick.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform
If you come into the chat room, say hi, ask a question, or just listen. You will find the instructions for the group and logging into the chat room on my web site.
If nothing else, its an opportunity for you to see there there are others out there just like you.
You are not alone!!!!
If you are not able to make the group at 7 pm MT, its ok. .You can listen to the recorded version of the group. I will post it here on Thursday.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I know there are a lot of us out there around the world. Even though I am a Pastor, I promise not to evangelize.
I only want for us to band together, learn from each other, share our experiences and such. Wednesday nights I call Keeping it Real. I do my best to not pull punches, and to not placate anyone.
I run Keeping it Real every Wednesday night at 7:00 pm MT. I decided to devote 1 Wednesday per month to Avoidants and other similar issues. If there is a good turn out and the interest, we can certainly do this more often than once a month.
I dont want to intimidate anyone. If you are ok with it, I would like for you to come into the Chat room. But you dont have to.
My hope is that others will want to share their experiences, their struggles, and their victories. But please dont feel like you have to. Though I really dont want to listen to myself talk for half an hour.
If you plan on coming to the group, please take a few moments and complete my Avoidant Survey. I will not share any of the information with anyone. This is just for statistical purposes and so that maybe we can learn more what makes us tick.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform
If you come into the chat room, say hi, ask a question, or just listen. You will find the instructions for the group and logging into the chat room on my web site.
If nothing else, its an opportunity for you to see there there are others out there just like you.
If you are not able to make the group at 7 pm MT, its ok. .You can listen to the recorded version of the group. I will post it here on Thursday.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Avoidant Group
I will be holding an online group for Avoidants on 10/9/13. I am also a Pastor, but dont let that scare you off. For this group, I will be taking off my Pastor hat and just holding the group. I am doing this because I dont want anyone to not come because of this.
The hope is that as many as possible will come to the live session. But if you cant join us live, please listen to it afterwards. This is something new that I have no done before. So I do not know what to expect or how this will go. I dont have an agenda, or any preconceived ideas as to how this group will operate.
I simply want to make a place where others that are Avoidants, or have similar disorders, can come. We can talk, and meet each other, ask questions and such, or you can just sit back and listen as I talk. I really hope though that others will come and share their experiences as I really don't want to listen to myself talk the entire time.
By the way, I am not a professional. So I cant give any advice. Or If I do say anything that might be construed as advice, don't hold me to it. As an Avoidant myself, I care about those out there that are and want to see you get help. talking and sharing helps. Also, just knowing that there are others out there just like you helps.
You are not alone!
Here is the link to my web site. You will find the link to the group on the page.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
The hope is that as many as possible will come to the live session. But if you cant join us live, please listen to it afterwards. This is something new that I have no done before. So I do not know what to expect or how this will go. I dont have an agenda, or any preconceived ideas as to how this group will operate.
I simply want to make a place where others that are Avoidants, or have similar disorders, can come. We can talk, and meet each other, ask questions and such, or you can just sit back and listen as I talk. I really hope though that others will come and share their experiences as I really don't want to listen to myself talk the entire time.
By the way, I am not a professional. So I cant give any advice. Or If I do say anything that might be construed as advice, don't hold me to it. As an Avoidant myself, I care about those out there that are and want to see you get help. talking and sharing helps. Also, just knowing that there are others out there just like you helps.
You are not alone!
Here is the link to my web site. You will find the link to the group on the page.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Avoidant Talk tonight on Needs Met
Hello Everyone
I know that I promoted that I was going to have an Avoidant talk on my radio show Keeping it Real tonight. Well, I need a bit more time to prepare for this. So the show is being postponed until October 9th 2013. Even if you are not able to listen to the live broadcast, it will be available for you to listen to as an archived version.
But Id love to see many Avoidants, those that think they might be Avoidants and others with similar issues come to the live service. Im not sure exactly how it will go. I plan on talking specifically about Avoidants and devoting the service to us.
We are doing this because us Avoidants dont get much in the way of visibility, healing, or hope. There is very very little out there on Avidants that is being done by someone that is actually an Avoidant. I want to shine light on this issues and tell the Church and the world that we are people to.
We need to be understood. We need to be recognized. We need to be healed to.
Please take the survey and pass it on to others as well. God wants to heal you. But he is not going to do this if you dont ask.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I know that I promoted that I was going to have an Avoidant talk on my radio show Keeping it Real tonight. Well, I need a bit more time to prepare for this. So the show is being postponed until October 9th 2013. Even if you are not able to listen to the live broadcast, it will be available for you to listen to as an archived version.
But Id love to see many Avoidants, those that think they might be Avoidants and others with similar issues come to the live service. Im not sure exactly how it will go. I plan on talking specifically about Avoidants and devoting the service to us.
We are doing this because us Avoidants dont get much in the way of visibility, healing, or hope. There is very very little out there on Avidants that is being done by someone that is actually an Avoidant. I want to shine light on this issues and tell the Church and the world that we are people to.
We need to be understood. We need to be recognized. We need to be healed to.
Please take the survey and pass it on to others as well. God wants to heal you. But he is not going to do this if you dont ask.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Avoidant Unite
I started this blog some years ago. Its been seen and read a lot. A lot more than I ever thought it would. I am very grateful for this. I started this blog with the intention of it not only helping me but that others would also be able to see my struggles and day to day issues and draw some help and hope from them.
I have been a Pastor for about 10 years now. Which is huge. Not only do I have the normal struggles with being a Pastor, which is no where as easy as many think it is, but I have to add being an Avoidant on top of it. Being an Avoidant means that I dont like people. It means that I want to run from them. I certainly dont want to talk and preach to them.
But being a Pastor is all about people, helping people and working with people. So it is a constant struggle to not give in to the Avoidant part of me that does not want to be with people.
I have run a ministry called Needs Met for about 6 years now. Needs Met is all about helping people with needs. We provide needs like food, clothing and such to anyone.
We recently decided that God was telling us to become a Church. But its a bit different than the norm. We are an on-line only Church. That means that we dont have a building that would have to be maintained.
This does give me a level of anonymity and safety for my Avoidantism. I do help people, but my actual contact with people is typically limited to online, emails, chats, and callers into the service.
One thing that I want Needs Met the Church to focus on is Avoidants and others with mental disorders. In our Churches, we love to deal with physical diseases and such. As well we should. Jesus tells is that we are to heal in his name. But that healing in our Churches typically takes the form of physical issues. We pray for healing of back troubles, eye infirmities, heart issues and on and on.
But what about mental problems like Avoidants? In all my years of going to Churches, I have heard very very little to nothing on mental issues. We dont seem to get the time of day.
Maybe its because so few in Churches understand mental problems. Maybe its because those with mental issues have been ostracized from our Churches, so there is just no one there that knows how to help. Whatever the reason,
There are thousands of agencies, foundations, and such that deal with the physical infirmaries. Muscular Dystrophy being one of the biggest. But what about us?
We dont get any respect. Well, I want to change that.
In my Wednesday night service called Keeping It Real, on October 2nd, I will be sharing on mental disorders like Avoidant Personality.
If you are an Avoidant, think you are an Avoidant, live with someone you thing might be an Avoidant, or have another metal disorder, please come and listen. There will also be a time for prayer request for healing of mental issues.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I have been a Pastor for about 10 years now. Which is huge. Not only do I have the normal struggles with being a Pastor, which is no where as easy as many think it is, but I have to add being an Avoidant on top of it. Being an Avoidant means that I dont like people. It means that I want to run from them. I certainly dont want to talk and preach to them.
But being a Pastor is all about people, helping people and working with people. So it is a constant struggle to not give in to the Avoidant part of me that does not want to be with people.
I have run a ministry called Needs Met for about 6 years now. Needs Met is all about helping people with needs. We provide needs like food, clothing and such to anyone.
We recently decided that God was telling us to become a Church. But its a bit different than the norm. We are an on-line only Church. That means that we dont have a building that would have to be maintained.
This does give me a level of anonymity and safety for my Avoidantism. I do help people, but my actual contact with people is typically limited to online, emails, chats, and callers into the service.
One thing that I want Needs Met the Church to focus on is Avoidants and others with mental disorders. In our Churches, we love to deal with physical diseases and such. As well we should. Jesus tells is that we are to heal in his name. But that healing in our Churches typically takes the form of physical issues. We pray for healing of back troubles, eye infirmities, heart issues and on and on.
But what about mental problems like Avoidants? In all my years of going to Churches, I have heard very very little to nothing on mental issues. We dont seem to get the time of day.
Maybe its because so few in Churches understand mental problems. Maybe its because those with mental issues have been ostracized from our Churches, so there is just no one there that knows how to help. Whatever the reason,
There are thousands of agencies, foundations, and such that deal with the physical infirmaries. Muscular Dystrophy being one of the biggest. But what about us?
We dont get any respect. Well, I want to change that.
In my Wednesday night service called Keeping It Real, on October 2nd, I will be sharing on mental disorders like Avoidant Personality.
If you are an Avoidant, think you are an Avoidant, live with someone you thing might be an Avoidant, or have another metal disorder, please come and listen. There will also be a time for prayer request for healing of mental issues.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tyKSgW-IeaK851gvIjjthije0kOwg3tZxVqKXSC1xXg/viewform I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
my daughter shows signs of being an Avoidant
I have struggled with being an Avoidant all my life. I was probably born as one. Though as I written about before, certain things in life that will remain nameless (The Air Force) greatly exacerbated the disorder. My daughter is 9 now. She does socialize, but not much. She much prefers to stay home and be alone.
This is classic Avoidanism. I have tried to keep an eye on this and encourage her to get out more. We have her in public school right now and she seems to be doing ok. Actually a lot better than the private Christian school that we had her in for a while. But that was mainly due to a very poor private school.
She does have friends, and seems to be doing pretty well. She has more adult friends than friends her own age, which is concerning though.
The school year is about to start and we are looking for things for her to do. We found an acting class that she wants to take. We are encouraging this and hope she will like it.
But today we were talking to her about this and she said something that really scarred me. She said that she hates people.
Uh Oh!! Thats Avoidism to a tee. I fear that my daughter has picked up at least some of Avoidism. I just hope and pray that she has enough of my wife in her to off set this and even combat it.
Im trying to do the best I can to force our daughter to get out there and socialize. If she does not face these fears not, she will always be a slave to them and have to fight as I have.
Its going to be a tense next few years. We can only pray and do the best we can to help her deal with this.
If anyone has any advice on how to combat this, I would love to hear it.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
This is classic Avoidanism. I have tried to keep an eye on this and encourage her to get out more. We have her in public school right now and she seems to be doing ok. Actually a lot better than the private Christian school that we had her in for a while. But that was mainly due to a very poor private school.
She does have friends, and seems to be doing pretty well. She has more adult friends than friends her own age, which is concerning though.
The school year is about to start and we are looking for things for her to do. We found an acting class that she wants to take. We are encouraging this and hope she will like it.
But today we were talking to her about this and she said something that really scarred me. She said that she hates people.
Uh Oh!! Thats Avoidism to a tee. I fear that my daughter has picked up at least some of Avoidism. I just hope and pray that she has enough of my wife in her to off set this and even combat it.
Im trying to do the best I can to force our daughter to get out there and socialize. If she does not face these fears not, she will always be a slave to them and have to fight as I have.
Its going to be a tense next few years. We can only pray and do the best we can to help her deal with this.
If anyone has any advice on how to combat this, I would love to hear it.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
How Not to deal with an Avoidant
I got an email from someone today that wanted advice on how to deal with someone that is an Avoidant. The person is younger. I felt that I had to post my response to this email. The email said that she wanted to know how to make her son normal. This is my response to her.
-----
The first thing I would say is that if he is an Avoidant, he may never be "normal". Never of course meaning while we are here on earth. If you try to pressure him to be what you consider normal, you will just make it worse. You will drive him into seclusion and away from you.
Being a young Avoidant is in many ways worse than being an older one, like me. Because he has not yet learned how to deal with life, friends and school. Life is hard enough when you are normal. Pile onto that being an Avoidant and its down right impossible at times.
Of course, God can do all things. He can give us strength and healing. And God will indeed heal us. But that does not necessarily mean when that healing will come. We will all be healed once we are with him. I have been an Avoidant for a long long time. I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to deal with people.
It has been a long process of learning. You need to try to understand him. Going to college is probably scaring him to death. The thought of a bunch of strangers, strange subjects, strange teachers, and a strange environment.
Let me tell you a short story on my experience.
When I was younger, I was terrified of people. When I would go to the mall, it was like my mind was being pulled apart. I would try as best I could to scan everyone for potential threats. Everyone is a threat. There are simply levels of threats. Some pose worse threats due to them being bigger than me, smarter than me, older than me, or younger than me.
After about 10 minutes of this, I would begin to get physically ill. I had to leave.
My advice is to be patient. Then be patient some more. Going to college needs to be his decision. If you try to pressure him, he will resist and possibly resist hard. Even to the point of running away and in some extreme cases even trying to commit suicide. This is how dangerous this can be.
Dont push! Try to understand him. He wants this more than anything. Avoidants are desperately trying to find someone to understand them. Dont Judge him. Dont push him. Dont pressure him. You will just make things worse. If you are a Christian, pray and ask God to help you to understand him and love him the way that he needs to be loved.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Living in Hell
When I started this blog, it was just for me. I didnt have any intentions of others reading it. But since then, I have gathered a few that follow what I write. My tendency is to be careful what I say because I dont want to offend anyone of just say something dumb.
But then I have to try as best I can to go back to my original intention of the blog, which was to honestly portray my day to day attempt to deal with being an Avoidant. Its hard to do this, at least for me, when I know I have an audience.
Maybe I need to go with that old saying for people that are shy speaking in front of people and picture everyone in their underwear. :)
I will do my best to try to stay honest and honestly portray my feelings and what its really like to be an Avoidant.
This time though, I want to write, or try to write, from a different perspective. The perspective of someone that lives with an Avoidant. Its a difficult challenge since Its not really possible for me to see me through my wifes eyes.
I know she tries hard to deal with it and cuts me a lot of slack. I give her tons of kudos for that.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I dont think I would be able to do it. I think I would have run, not walked, for the nearest exit and not looked back.
Living with an Avoidant must be a bit like living in Hell and trying to put up with satan as a roommate. Avoidants are ruff. Beyond ruff. Especially if they are in the early stages of figuring out how to deal with it.
I think most Avoidants probably dont even know that they are Avoidants. Still more just ignore it and hope it will go away. Still more probably think they are possessed or something like that and just need a good exorcism.
I have to admit that I have felt this way at times. At times, I still do. I feel as though my body and mind is not my own and that someone, or something else is in control of me.
If Im honest, Id say that I still wonder about Avoidantism. Maybe there is some credibility to it being, all or part, a demonic oppression. I do not know.
I know that since I am saved and belong to God, possession by the enemy is not possible. But perhaps oppression is. Oppression means that something hovers around pulling the strings like that commercial where you see that dark rain cloud following around that person no matter where they go.
I still think this is a possibility.
My heart goes out to anyone that is in a relationship with an Avoidant. I have had more than a few people that are attempting this huge feat email me for help.
My main advice to them is patience. Then after you have exhausted your patience, be patient some more. And when that amount of patience is gone, be patient some more.
I know its hard. As this is where being a Christian comes in. This amount of patience is way beyond anything that a normal person can muster,
You will only find this sort of patience and understanding by relying on God.
My wife wrote a bit, well actually more than just a bit, in response to 1 person that emailed me about trying to cope with an Avoidant.
Im going to copy her email here in the hopes that others will benefit from it. Hang on, its rather long.
----------------------------
Being on the other end of the avoidant personality ride, it's really difficult to put things in words regarding my feelings. When I met my husband, I went into the relationship with blind faith. I knew that he was different, and knew that God wanted me to be with him. I do not feel like I had a choice to say "no, I don't think I'm up to dealing with this for the rest of my life". So, with that being said, I believe that all of us that the Lord asked to stand by a person with Avoidant Personality Disorder, it is for a reason, and we cannot say "no" to God's request. Trust me, it has been a brutal, bumpy ride. Being the spouse of an avoidant, it is probably more difficult than being a friend to one.
Early in our marriage, I found that I was slowly being drawn away from friends and family that were so close to me. My husband always made me feel like now that I was married, I should spend more time with him and less with others. When I would talk to friends or family on the phone, he would get almost mean, or offended that I wasn't paying attention to him. He did this to the point that I isolated myself from everyone.
Lesson #1-Do not allow the behavior of the avoidant cause you to lose your own support system. Isolation is not a good thing! You will definitely need support, but please be careful of who you confide in. Confiding in your family and friends about your spouse should be done with great consideration. I am blessed that my family and the close friends I confided in were those that encouraged me to stay and they would uplift us in prayer. I did have a few friends that encouraged me to leave my husband.
My husband would goof around in church with our daughter and goof around in the grocery store to the point where it seemed he did not care others were around and he was bothering them. I would always get so angry because I thought he had no manners and he was just trying to act up to get attention on himself. It wasn't until the Lord revealed things to me that I clearly understood, then was able to have extreme compassion towards him.
Lesson #2-Avoidants implement coping mechanisms in various forms. Avoidant Personality Disorder is the root from which other phobias stem from...Agoraphobia, Schizophrenia, etc... My husband was terrified of crowded places. He would use our daughter as a focal point to distract and drown out his hurt and discomfort of going to church or anywhere else in public. It is important that you recognize this behavior and not let the Avoidant manipulate others for their gain. Try helping that person (in baby steps) figure out a way to conquer their fears.
Once the Lord revealed things to me about my husband's condition, He also blessed me with the wonderful gift of compassion and empathy. Now, I do not always operate in those gifts, but when I put my "self" aside as we go thru turbulence, and look thru eyes of compassion and empathy, I see this: I see a man that has done soooooooooo good, given the situation he was given. He is a wonderful man, full of love, full of ideas, full of hurt...and someone that needed my love to be able to break thru to healing. 11 years later, I see a man that isn't as hurt as he once was. He is thriving. God is using him. I'm proud of him. I'm blessed that he is my husband. His pain has caused me to be a better person. I know I am more patient, loving, tender because of him.
Lesson #3-You don't have to understand how to fix that person. Just know that if the Lord has put this person in your path, He will be faithful to give you wisdom, understanding and knowledge how to help them. You were chosen to help this person and God never calls you to ministry then fails to give you the tools to accomplish it. Love this person like you have never loved before. 1 Corinthians 13:13 - Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.
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So there you have it right from the horses mouth. My wife is a saint for putting up with me. She is such anyway.
All this to say that its not easy living with an Avoidant. In fact, its probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. But I think its worth it for both the Avoidant and the one that learns to live with the Avoidant. Its not in the easy times that we grow and mature. Its the tuff things in life that God will use to mold you and make you and your spouse into the person of God that you were meant to me.
So dont try to run away from the problem. Dont try to pretend you are not an Avoidant. Or if you are trying to live with an Avoidant, dont try to fix him or her. It will only make things worse. Just try to be understanding, compassionate and patient.
Focus on the good things and try as best you can to forgive the bad. Criticism will kill an Avoidant.
Well, thats enough for now.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
But then I have to try as best I can to go back to my original intention of the blog, which was to honestly portray my day to day attempt to deal with being an Avoidant. Its hard to do this, at least for me, when I know I have an audience.
Maybe I need to go with that old saying for people that are shy speaking in front of people and picture everyone in their underwear. :)
I will do my best to try to stay honest and honestly portray my feelings and what its really like to be an Avoidant.
This time though, I want to write, or try to write, from a different perspective. The perspective of someone that lives with an Avoidant. Its a difficult challenge since Its not really possible for me to see me through my wifes eyes.
I know she tries hard to deal with it and cuts me a lot of slack. I give her tons of kudos for that.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I dont think I would be able to do it. I think I would have run, not walked, for the nearest exit and not looked back.
Living with an Avoidant must be a bit like living in Hell and trying to put up with satan as a roommate. Avoidants are ruff. Beyond ruff. Especially if they are in the early stages of figuring out how to deal with it.
I think most Avoidants probably dont even know that they are Avoidants. Still more just ignore it and hope it will go away. Still more probably think they are possessed or something like that and just need a good exorcism.
I have to admit that I have felt this way at times. At times, I still do. I feel as though my body and mind is not my own and that someone, or something else is in control of me.
If Im honest, Id say that I still wonder about Avoidantism. Maybe there is some credibility to it being, all or part, a demonic oppression. I do not know.
I know that since I am saved and belong to God, possession by the enemy is not possible. But perhaps oppression is. Oppression means that something hovers around pulling the strings like that commercial where you see that dark rain cloud following around that person no matter where they go.
I still think this is a possibility.
My heart goes out to anyone that is in a relationship with an Avoidant. I have had more than a few people that are attempting this huge feat email me for help.
My main advice to them is patience. Then after you have exhausted your patience, be patient some more. And when that amount of patience is gone, be patient some more.
I know its hard. As this is where being a Christian comes in. This amount of patience is way beyond anything that a normal person can muster,
You will only find this sort of patience and understanding by relying on God.
My wife wrote a bit, well actually more than just a bit, in response to 1 person that emailed me about trying to cope with an Avoidant.
Im going to copy her email here in the hopes that others will benefit from it. Hang on, its rather long.
----------------------------
Being on the other end of the avoidant personality ride, it's really difficult to put things in words regarding my feelings. When I met my husband, I went into the relationship with blind faith. I knew that he was different, and knew that God wanted me to be with him. I do not feel like I had a choice to say "no, I don't think I'm up to dealing with this for the rest of my life". So, with that being said, I believe that all of us that the Lord asked to stand by a person with Avoidant Personality Disorder, it is for a reason, and we cannot say "no" to God's request. Trust me, it has been a brutal, bumpy ride. Being the spouse of an avoidant, it is probably more difficult than being a friend to one.
Early in our marriage, I found that I was slowly being drawn away from friends and family that were so close to me. My husband always made me feel like now that I was married, I should spend more time with him and less with others. When I would talk to friends or family on the phone, he would get almost mean, or offended that I wasn't paying attention to him. He did this to the point that I isolated myself from everyone.
Lesson #1-Do not allow the behavior of the avoidant cause you to lose your own support system. Isolation is not a good thing! You will definitely need support, but please be careful of who you confide in. Confiding in your family and friends about your spouse should be done with great consideration. I am blessed that my family and the close friends I confided in were those that encouraged me to stay and they would uplift us in prayer. I did have a few friends that encouraged me to leave my husband.
My husband would goof around in church with our daughter and goof around in the grocery store to the point where it seemed he did not care others were around and he was bothering them. I would always get so angry because I thought he had no manners and he was just trying to act up to get attention on himself. It wasn't until the Lord revealed things to me that I clearly understood, then was able to have extreme compassion towards him.
Lesson #2-Avoidants implement coping mechanisms in various forms. Avoidant Personality Disorder is the root from which other phobias stem from...Agoraphobia, Schizophrenia, etc... My husband was terrified of crowded places. He would use our daughter as a focal point to distract and drown out his hurt and discomfort of going to church or anywhere else in public. It is important that you recognize this behavior and not let the Avoidant manipulate others for their gain. Try helping that person (in baby steps) figure out a way to conquer their fears.
Once the Lord revealed things to me about my husband's condition, He also blessed me with the wonderful gift of compassion and empathy. Now, I do not always operate in those gifts, but when I put my "self" aside as we go thru turbulence, and look thru eyes of compassion and empathy, I see this: I see a man that has done soooooooooo good, given the situation he was given. He is a wonderful man, full of love, full of ideas, full of hurt...and someone that needed my love to be able to break thru to healing. 11 years later, I see a man that isn't as hurt as he once was. He is thriving. God is using him. I'm proud of him. I'm blessed that he is my husband. His pain has caused me to be a better person. I know I am more patient, loving, tender because of him.
Lesson #3-You don't have to understand how to fix that person. Just know that if the Lord has put this person in your path, He will be faithful to give you wisdom, understanding and knowledge how to help them. You were chosen to help this person and God never calls you to ministry then fails to give you the tools to accomplish it. Love this person like you have never loved before. 1 Corinthians 13:13 - Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.
----------
So there you have it right from the horses mouth. My wife is a saint for putting up with me. She is such anyway.
All this to say that its not easy living with an Avoidant. In fact, its probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. But I think its worth it for both the Avoidant and the one that learns to live with the Avoidant. Its not in the easy times that we grow and mature. Its the tuff things in life that God will use to mold you and make you and your spouse into the person of God that you were meant to me.
So dont try to run away from the problem. Dont try to pretend you are not an Avoidant. Or if you are trying to live with an Avoidant, dont try to fix him or her. It will only make things worse. Just try to be understanding, compassionate and patient.
Focus on the good things and try as best you can to forgive the bad. Criticism will kill an Avoidant.
Well, thats enough for now.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Life is like a box of chacolates....
I love the movie Forest Gump. Thats where the title is from. Life does seem to be like a box of Chocolates. You just never know what you are going to get or get handed to you.
I was handed an Avoidant Personality. No idea why really. Though I tend to think now that maybe I was given this disability so I can relate to other Avoidants and maybe even help them.
But I dont like the theology of saying that God purposely made me an Avoidant. That seems like the same thing as the folks that say that God made them an Homosexual.
I think the better theology is that God does not make Homosexuals and he does not make Avoidants.
God can see the future as though it were to present. So to God your future is already written though to us it is not.
Its a bit confusing I know. My becoming an Avoidant was due to living in a corrupt world.
It was probably past down from my Mom, thought she was never diagnosed.
Im pretty sure that she is an Avoidant as well. She just does not know it. In her day, the common thought was to just deal with things.
So God knew that I was going to be an Avoidant and is using it as good.
Its just like Paul. Whatever thorn Paul had was not of God's doing. But God was able to use this thorn in Paul to keep him humble so that Paul would not get proud and think he could do things on his own.
Being an Avoidant is really really hard! Even harder on my poor wife and sometimes even on my daughter. I pray that she does not get it.
But Im thankful that I am an Avoidant. Let me tell you why.
I see so many good people that are good Christians do really good things for God and for his people.
But after a while of seeing all these really good things, the tendency is to start thinking less and less that God did it and more and more that they did it. They become puffed up!
This is very dangerous and leads to a fall. Often when this fall happens, they take lots of people with them.
Since I am an Avoidant, I fear people. Sometimes, I dont like people at all. I fear speaking to large crowds and have a terrible time making friends.
When my Avoidantism (A new word I just invented) is in full blown enforcement, all I want to do is run and hide under a rock somewhere.
But all this means that on my own, I cant do a thing. If I try to do things on my own, its a disaster.
So I must be totally dependent on God. Only God can enable me to go meet people, especially people in authority.
Only God can enable me to speak in front on large crowds. Its only through God that I can do much anything at all.
I know that what I do, I do because of God that lives in me. How anyone that is an Avoidant can survive without God is a complete mystery to me.
So all this to say that Im glad I am an Avoidant. Seems odd to say, but if I can only help one person that is an Avoidant, then my life has been worth it.
We all have no idea what we will be given in life to deal with.
If you are an Avoidant, or have been handed another lousy hand, you have a choice to make. Yes its a choice that is completely up to you!
You can either get angry about, shake your fist at God and ask"why me". Or you can accept it, make the best of it and try to help others that are having a hard time dealing with it.
I choose to do the later. In the words of that somewhat irritating, but right on, saying, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade!"
:)
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I was handed an Avoidant Personality. No idea why really. Though I tend to think now that maybe I was given this disability so I can relate to other Avoidants and maybe even help them.
But I dont like the theology of saying that God purposely made me an Avoidant. That seems like the same thing as the folks that say that God made them an Homosexual.
I think the better theology is that God does not make Homosexuals and he does not make Avoidants.
God can see the future as though it were to present. So to God your future is already written though to us it is not.
Its a bit confusing I know. My becoming an Avoidant was due to living in a corrupt world.
It was probably past down from my Mom, thought she was never diagnosed.
Im pretty sure that she is an Avoidant as well. She just does not know it. In her day, the common thought was to just deal with things.
So God knew that I was going to be an Avoidant and is using it as good.
Its just like Paul. Whatever thorn Paul had was not of God's doing. But God was able to use this thorn in Paul to keep him humble so that Paul would not get proud and think he could do things on his own.
Being an Avoidant is really really hard! Even harder on my poor wife and sometimes even on my daughter. I pray that she does not get it.
But Im thankful that I am an Avoidant. Let me tell you why.
I see so many good people that are good Christians do really good things for God and for his people.
But after a while of seeing all these really good things, the tendency is to start thinking less and less that God did it and more and more that they did it. They become puffed up!
This is very dangerous and leads to a fall. Often when this fall happens, they take lots of people with them.
Since I am an Avoidant, I fear people. Sometimes, I dont like people at all. I fear speaking to large crowds and have a terrible time making friends.
When my Avoidantism (A new word I just invented) is in full blown enforcement, all I want to do is run and hide under a rock somewhere.
But all this means that on my own, I cant do a thing. If I try to do things on my own, its a disaster.
So I must be totally dependent on God. Only God can enable me to go meet people, especially people in authority.
Only God can enable me to speak in front on large crowds. Its only through God that I can do much anything at all.
I know that what I do, I do because of God that lives in me. How anyone that is an Avoidant can survive without God is a complete mystery to me.
So all this to say that Im glad I am an Avoidant. Seems odd to say, but if I can only help one person that is an Avoidant, then my life has been worth it.
We all have no idea what we will be given in life to deal with.
If you are an Avoidant, or have been handed another lousy hand, you have a choice to make. Yes its a choice that is completely up to you!
You can either get angry about, shake your fist at God and ask"why me". Or you can accept it, make the best of it and try to help others that are having a hard time dealing with it.
I choose to do the later. In the words of that somewhat irritating, but right on, saying, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade!"
:)
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
I decided today to dump the old font and background and go with something different.
I received a comment that someone did not like what I had. They said it was just too fancy and they had trouble reading it.
Even my wife finally admitted that she didnt like it as it was hard to read.
So since I write my blog in the hopes that it will not only help me, but others, I caved and changed it.
Eventually, I want to write a book about Avoidants from the perceptive of someone that actually is an Avoidant.
I also want to get my wife to write a portion of the book as well. There are a lot of people out there that are trying to live with an Avoidant, but are finding it very difficult.
Maybe if I can write a book with a chapter or so devoted to her perspective as well, it would help those people figure out how to cope with living with an Avoidant.
I am also going to develop a web site just for Avoidants. I have found a few out there. But most are way out of date, or very poorly written and maintained, if its maintained at all.
Then there are those web sites and books that have been written by shrinks and other professionals. These are good, but they are just book learning and from experience in dealing with Avoidants.
There is a world of difference actually being an Avoidant and living as one and just learning about Avoidants in a book.
I have received quite a few emails from people that are Avoidants. They tell me their story and ask if I can be any help. I do the best I can. My wife sometime will respond as well.
Since she lives with an Avoidant, she has a unique perspective that I dont have and will never have. We have been married, so far, for 10 years. We have our ups and downs, but we have managed to not only survive, but thrive.
If you are an Avoidant, live with an Avoidant, or know someone that is an Avoidant, I would love to hear your story. You can email me anytime. I will do my best to listen, not be judgmental, and help if I can.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
If you are an Avoidant, live with an Avoidant, or know someone that is an Avoidant, I would love to hear your story. You can email me anytime. I will do my best to listen, not be judgmental, and help if I can
I received a comment that someone did not like what I had. They said it was just too fancy and they had trouble reading it.
Even my wife finally admitted that she didnt like it as it was hard to read.
So since I write my blog in the hopes that it will not only help me, but others, I caved and changed it.
Eventually, I want to write a book about Avoidants from the perceptive of someone that actually is an Avoidant.
I also want to get my wife to write a portion of the book as well. There are a lot of people out there that are trying to live with an Avoidant, but are finding it very difficult.
Maybe if I can write a book with a chapter or so devoted to her perspective as well, it would help those people figure out how to cope with living with an Avoidant.
I am also going to develop a web site just for Avoidants. I have found a few out there. But most are way out of date, or very poorly written and maintained, if its maintained at all.
Then there are those web sites and books that have been written by shrinks and other professionals. These are good, but they are just book learning and from experience in dealing with Avoidants.
There is a world of difference actually being an Avoidant and living as one and just learning about Avoidants in a book.
I have received quite a few emails from people that are Avoidants. They tell me their story and ask if I can be any help. I do the best I can. My wife sometime will respond as well.
Since she lives with an Avoidant, she has a unique perspective that I dont have and will never have. We have been married, so far, for 10 years. We have our ups and downs, but we have managed to not only survive, but thrive.
If you are an Avoidant, live with an Avoidant, or know someone that is an Avoidant, I would love to hear your story. You can email me anytime. I will do my best to listen, not be judgmental, and help if I can.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
If you are an Avoidant, live with an Avoidant, or know someone that is an Avoidant, I would love to hear your story. You can email me anytime. I will do my best to listen, not be judgmental, and help if I can
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
An Avoidant what?
I realized today that some have no clue what being an Avoidant is. I have told some to seek out my blog that have different issues altogether.
Though they may be different, I think a struggle is a struggle is a struggle. We probably all share at least some similarities.
I have written about what an Avoidant is. But its been a while. So I decided to revisit this.
Being an Avoidant means that we avoid relationships because we dont know how to deal with them. Its like a severe form of Social Phobia. Its a hatred of being with people because we have no idea how to deal with people.
But I think at the same time, Avoidants love people. On some level at least. So its a constant battle between the 2 sides. Love and hate all wrapped up together.
This makes life almost intolerable.
Most, if not all, Avoidants have considered or attempted suicide at one time or another in their lives. Some have no doubt succeeded.
But like most people that are suicidal, its usually a cry for help.
Avoidants lack social graces that other people just know and take for granted.
My wife has to remind me to shake peoples hands, and say hello to them. I dont know how to start and end conversations. I have learned some over time, but its a process that may not be done within my lifetime.
I think the reason for this is because we shield ourselves so much from people, we just dont have the opportunity to learn this simple things that others do when they are young.
Avoidants tend to be loners and introverts. Or they become this very quickly due to not be able to function in social groups.
Avoidants will have a very difficult time in relationships. Many will probably wind up in abusive relationships due to the fact that we feel we dont deserve any better.
Well, I could go on and on, but I think that is enough for now.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Though they may be different, I think a struggle is a struggle is a struggle. We probably all share at least some similarities.
I have written about what an Avoidant is. But its been a while. So I decided to revisit this.
Being an Avoidant means that we avoid relationships because we dont know how to deal with them. Its like a severe form of Social Phobia. Its a hatred of being with people because we have no idea how to deal with people.
But I think at the same time, Avoidants love people. On some level at least. So its a constant battle between the 2 sides. Love and hate all wrapped up together.
This makes life almost intolerable.
Most, if not all, Avoidants have considered or attempted suicide at one time or another in their lives. Some have no doubt succeeded.
But like most people that are suicidal, its usually a cry for help.
Avoidants lack social graces that other people just know and take for granted.
My wife has to remind me to shake peoples hands, and say hello to them. I dont know how to start and end conversations. I have learned some over time, but its a process that may not be done within my lifetime.
I think the reason for this is because we shield ourselves so much from people, we just dont have the opportunity to learn this simple things that others do when they are young.
Avoidants tend to be loners and introverts. Or they become this very quickly due to not be able to function in social groups.
Avoidants will have a very difficult time in relationships. Many will probably wind up in abusive relationships due to the fact that we feel we dont deserve any better.
Well, I could go on and on, but I think that is enough for now.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I received a comment today on a posting I wrote a long time ago. The posting was on a hypnosis session that was done to me about 30 or so years ago. At the time I had the session, I was young, foolish and did not understand the implications of what I was doing.
I am not in favor on Hypnosis. I think its very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
I decided not to allow this comment that is in favor of Hypnosis because its in direct conflict with both logic and the Bible.
I believe that Hypnotherapy is very dangerous. I believe that no Christian should go under this mental knife. Many years ago, this was the mainstream thought in the Christian community. Now things have changed. Many deceived Christians now say that its ok. Its not really surprising. There are a lot of things that were once forbidden in our Churches that some have now decided are fine.
One example. We even have so-called Churches now that allow gay marriage.
But just because some have changed their minds, does not make these things right.
The mind is very powerful. God spoke the world into existence with only his words. These words came from his heart and mind. In us, the mind is also the brain. The heart, mind, and soul is who we truly are. The brain controls the entire body.
To mess with these controls is very dangerous. We know very little about the brain and its abilities. To mess with something that we know very little about is just plain crazy.
It would be like me trying to perform surgery. I know computers. I know nothing about the brain or surgery. So for me to perform surgery on a brain is ludicrous. But yet, this is what we are doing when we allow someone to work on our brain.
We are giving this Hypnotherapist control over our very being.
We are allowing someone, that knows very little about how the brain really functions, to come in and make adjustments to it.
This would be like asking a customer service person to do brain surgery on you. It makes no sense at all to allow it.
This is the logical side of my argument. What about from a Biblical stance?
Well, the Bible does not specifically address Hypnotherapy, but that does not mean that its ok. Some think that just because a thing is not mentioned by name in the Bible, its ok to do.
I find this argument to be extremely silly. I hear it all the time. 'The bible does not address Gays, Homosexuals, Hypnosis, etc.. by name, so it must be ok, right?"
This is a really poor argument. Up until about 50 years ago, or so, the word Gay simply meant someone that was happy. We changed the meaning of it.
The word Homosexual was invented in the 1800's. Since these terms were not invented yet, how can we possibly expect God to have used these terms in the bible?
Hypnotherapy, at least by that name, was also unknown in Jesus day.
In order for God to say that certain things were wrong, to an audience that knew little to nothing about such sins yet, he would need to talk about them in more general terms.
Hypnosis involves the transfer of control away from ourselves to another person.
Galatians 5:22-23
We are to give over the control of our mind only to God.
Romans 6:12-13
Hypnotism is often promoted as a simple way of “refocusing” ourselves and finding the answer within us. As believers in Christ, our focus is to be on our Savior, not on ourselves or anything else.
Hebrews 12:2, Romans 7:18, Romans 8:2
Many of the techniques used in hypnosis are shared by mystical, philosophical, and religious systems, including the occult. The “father of hypnotism,” Franz Anton Mesmer—from whose name we get the word mesmerize—was himself a practitioner of the occult.
Deuteronomy 18:9-12 tells us that we can not have anything to do with the occult.
So I think the Bible is all too clear, as does logic tell us, that we should have nothing to do with Hypnosis.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
I am not in favor on Hypnosis. I think its very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
I decided not to allow this comment that is in favor of Hypnosis because its in direct conflict with both logic and the Bible.
I believe that Hypnotherapy is very dangerous. I believe that no Christian should go under this mental knife. Many years ago, this was the mainstream thought in the Christian community. Now things have changed. Many deceived Christians now say that its ok. Its not really surprising. There are a lot of things that were once forbidden in our Churches that some have now decided are fine.
One example. We even have so-called Churches now that allow gay marriage.
But just because some have changed their minds, does not make these things right.
The mind is very powerful. God spoke the world into existence with only his words. These words came from his heart and mind. In us, the mind is also the brain. The heart, mind, and soul is who we truly are. The brain controls the entire body.
To mess with these controls is very dangerous. We know very little about the brain and its abilities. To mess with something that we know very little about is just plain crazy.
It would be like me trying to perform surgery. I know computers. I know nothing about the brain or surgery. So for me to perform surgery on a brain is ludicrous. But yet, this is what we are doing when we allow someone to work on our brain.
We are giving this Hypnotherapist control over our very being.
We are allowing someone, that knows very little about how the brain really functions, to come in and make adjustments to it.
This would be like asking a customer service person to do brain surgery on you. It makes no sense at all to allow it.
This is the logical side of my argument. What about from a Biblical stance?
Well, the Bible does not specifically address Hypnotherapy, but that does not mean that its ok. Some think that just because a thing is not mentioned by name in the Bible, its ok to do.
I find this argument to be extremely silly. I hear it all the time. 'The bible does not address Gays, Homosexuals, Hypnosis, etc.. by name, so it must be ok, right?"
This is a really poor argument. Up until about 50 years ago, or so, the word Gay simply meant someone that was happy. We changed the meaning of it.
The word Homosexual was invented in the 1800's. Since these terms were not invented yet, how can we possibly expect God to have used these terms in the bible?
Hypnotherapy, at least by that name, was also unknown in Jesus day.
In order for God to say that certain things were wrong, to an audience that knew little to nothing about such sins yet, he would need to talk about them in more general terms.
Hypnosis involves the transfer of control away from ourselves to another person.
Galatians 5:22-23
We are to give over the control of our mind only to God.
Romans 6:12-13
Hypnotism is often promoted as a simple way of “refocusing” ourselves and finding the answer within us. As believers in Christ, our focus is to be on our Savior, not on ourselves or anything else.
Hebrews 12:2, Romans 7:18, Romans 8:2
Many of the techniques used in hypnosis are shared by mystical, philosophical, and religious systems, including the occult. The “father of hypnotism,” Franz Anton Mesmer—from whose name we get the word mesmerize—was himself a practitioner of the occult.
Deuteronomy 18:9-12 tells us that we can not have anything to do with the occult.
So I think the Bible is all too clear, as does logic tell us, that we should have nothing to do with Hypnosis.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
How to be defective and live with a defective
I have received several emails lately asking me for help. They have all been from people that are in some sort of relationship with a partner that is an Avoidant. In some cases, they are not sure, but suspect that their partner is an Avoidant.
My heart goes out to anyone that lives with, or is in a relationship, with an Avoidant. I wont blow smoke up your you know where. Its ruff putting up with an Avoidant. I takes the patience of Job and the understanding and wisdom of Solomon. I have been married for 10 years now.
I try to tell my poor wife as often as I can that I love her and appreciate her. When I am in full blown Avoidant mode, I am impossible to live with. I am a Christian and used to be a Youth Pastor. I love God, pray, read and talk to him daily. But even with all this on my side, its still not easy.
I cant even imagine how anyone could possible cope with being an Avoidant and not be a Christian. Just being normal is hard enough without God. But being an Avoidant takes this to a whole new level.
I really have no idea how my wife and I have made it this far. Other than to say that it has to have been God. We have been on the brink of divorce many many times. We still have our bad days. I tell people that being an Avoidant is like a form of Schizophrenia. Its like a computer that was given 2 conflicting sets of instructions. Like in the movie 2001 a Space Odyssey.
I think if someone wants a glimpse of what being an Avoidant is like, Id have them watch this movie. In the movie, the on-board computer is called Hal. Hal has a directive to always tell the truth no matter what. But in secret, he was given orders to lie to the crew about the tru nature of the mission.
These orders are diametrically opposed to each other. Hal cannot complete either order. So the result is that he goes nuts. This is what Avoidants deal with each and every day. We want to love and be loved. We want to be accepted by others. We want to have friends and relationships.
But the Avoidant part of us gives us another set of orders. These orders say that we hate people. People are the enemy. Everyone is better than us so we need to shun them all. We cannot be loved because we dont deserve it. We deserve to live alone and be unhappy.
These 2 sets of orders are always fighting against each other driving us nuts.
To live with an Avoidant takes extreme patience, extreme understanding and extreme patience. Did I mention patience? When you have come to the end of your patience, be patient some more. And when you have gotten to the end of that, be patent some more. And when the end of that comes, be patient some more.
Its a tuff life that I would not recommend to the faint of heart. But there is hope! There is always hope. If you love that person, stick with them. It will take time, but they will come around. I think that once you get through the muck and mire of being with an Avoidant, there are very good things on the other side. Avoidants have the capability of making excellent mates because once you get through, your in.
Avoidants, perhaps more than just about any other personality type, will be there through thick and then. Fiercely loyal and protective to a fault. We love deeply. You just have to get through all the ruff exterior.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
My heart goes out to anyone that lives with, or is in a relationship, with an Avoidant. I wont blow smoke up your you know where. Its ruff putting up with an Avoidant. I takes the patience of Job and the understanding and wisdom of Solomon. I have been married for 10 years now.
I try to tell my poor wife as often as I can that I love her and appreciate her. When I am in full blown Avoidant mode, I am impossible to live with. I am a Christian and used to be a Youth Pastor. I love God, pray, read and talk to him daily. But even with all this on my side, its still not easy.
I cant even imagine how anyone could possible cope with being an Avoidant and not be a Christian. Just being normal is hard enough without God. But being an Avoidant takes this to a whole new level.
I really have no idea how my wife and I have made it this far. Other than to say that it has to have been God. We have been on the brink of divorce many many times. We still have our bad days. I tell people that being an Avoidant is like a form of Schizophrenia. Its like a computer that was given 2 conflicting sets of instructions. Like in the movie 2001 a Space Odyssey.
I think if someone wants a glimpse of what being an Avoidant is like, Id have them watch this movie. In the movie, the on-board computer is called Hal. Hal has a directive to always tell the truth no matter what. But in secret, he was given orders to lie to the crew about the tru nature of the mission.
These orders are diametrically opposed to each other. Hal cannot complete either order. So the result is that he goes nuts. This is what Avoidants deal with each and every day. We want to love and be loved. We want to be accepted by others. We want to have friends and relationships.
But the Avoidant part of us gives us another set of orders. These orders say that we hate people. People are the enemy. Everyone is better than us so we need to shun them all. We cannot be loved because we dont deserve it. We deserve to live alone and be unhappy.
These 2 sets of orders are always fighting against each other driving us nuts.
To live with an Avoidant takes extreme patience, extreme understanding and extreme patience. Did I mention patience? When you have come to the end of your patience, be patient some more. And when you have gotten to the end of that, be patent some more. And when the end of that comes, be patient some more.
Its a tuff life that I would not recommend to the faint of heart. But there is hope! There is always hope. If you love that person, stick with them. It will take time, but they will come around. I think that once you get through the muck and mire of being with an Avoidant, there are very good things on the other side. Avoidants have the capability of making excellent mates because once you get through, your in.
Avoidants, perhaps more than just about any other personality type, will be there through thick and then. Fiercely loyal and protective to a fault. We love deeply. You just have to get through all the ruff exterior.
This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.
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