Avoidance Story

Hi Everyone,

We wont be able to do the meeting tomorrow. My family is here from Texas visiting, so it wont be possible for me to hold the meeting tomorrow. I may or may not be able to hold it next Sunday either depending on if my family is still here.

I wanted to tide everyone over since we have went a while without a meeting. Here is an excerpt my the book I am writing. If you have any questions, please email them to me and I can answer those.

Outside the birds were chirping, the sun was warm, and the roses were in full bloom. Inside, Bob was feeling rejected, defeated, and like he could climb under a rock and die. It was as if someone had pulled the cork on his body and drained all the energy out his body, like a mechanic draining oil from a car. What had brought Bob to this state was the thought of going to the mall with his wife, Jennifer.

Jennifer had been looking forward to going to the mall with her husband all week. She went to the mall so often, that the last time she went, one of the employees at her favorite store Jakes, asked for her employee ID so he could give her a discount. For Bob, the thought of going to a mall was a nightmare. Jennifer begged him to go with her. When Bob said that he just could not do it, Jennifer would cry and tell Bob that she felt invaluable and not worth his time, so Bob gave in like he always did. Bob and Jennifer got to the mall and the onslaught ensued. The first store they walked into was JC Penny’s.

Bob felt his mind start to be pulled apart. Every one of these hundreds of people in the store was a potential enemy, and it was his minds jobs to sort them out. Each one had to be assigned a combatant classification based on how much of a threat they posed. Threats included those that were too small, too short, too good looking, too ugly, too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, and a 100 others. These judgments were applied to every one of the hundreds of people that came into and out of Bob’s view for the entire time he was in the Mall. This crowd of people was constantly changing, so these thousands of assessments happened over and over again in Bob’s mind.

At some point, so much mental energy was being used up that Bob’s body just could not handle it anymore. His brain had turned to mush, his body became limp and he had trouble walking. He became incapable of talking and had to sit. He began to get sick to his stomach and felt like he was going to throw up. This is the pain that Bob felt when faced with any social situation. The mall was just the worst of the worst.

When Bob and Jennifer got home from the mall, the unavoidable fight ensued. Jennifer accused Bob of not talking to her and ignoring her. These days, combined with Bob’s other symptoms like Depression, Society Phobia, Social Anxiety, a host of fears like Going outside, being alone, being with people, being rejected, and failure. Bob’s life was a living hell. Jennifer tried to understand Bob, but she just could not get there. After all, it was completely illogical to have such hang ups. She had told him this a thousand times. “Avoidance, Bob? You have to be kidding me. That’s just an excuse. Get over it”.

Jennifer and Bob’s marriage was on their very last thread. This is why Jenifer had started retreating into her 80’s world of listening to the Bee Gees. She felt unappreciated, defeated, unloved and ready to give up. She was sure that she could get back out there and find another man that did not use excuses like this Avoidant Personality and love her like she needed to be loved. She starred out her window and thought about her horrible excuse for a marriage. One fight in particular was the subject of many of her thoughts these days. The fight had been so bad that Bob had kicked her out of their car, left her on the side of the road, pregnant, wet, and 5 miles from home.



Jennifer wanted to ask for a divorce with everything in her, but something told her to hang on just a little longer. Sunday came and Jennifer drug Bob to Church. The Pastor talked about healing. Not just the quick and easy healing, that costs nothing, that so many pastors preached, but a healing that would take time, but last a lifetime. Bob had mustered the courage and strength to go down to the front for prayer. He had no idea where this came from. It was an odd feeling unlike any he had felt before. Later on, he realized that God, the ruler of the universe, had actually taken the time to reach into Bob’s pathetic life and give him a gift. A gift of strength, courage, and love. Bob stood up, walked down to the front, and asked the Pastor to pray for him.

The Pastor prayed a simple prayer. Not the long winded type, that so many Pastors used to bring glory to themselves, but a simple prayer that asked God to finish the work that he had begun already. That evening, after Bob had returned home, there was a hope there that Bob had not had since Bob had been saved some 30 years ago. Bob felt like a veil had been lifted from his mind, his, heart and his very life. Bob knew that his Avoidance was not going to go away overnight, but was going to require work. For the first time in Bob’s life, this work seemed possible. Bob was determined to do the work and find the healing for his marriage and his Avoidance. That too would not happen overnight. There were years of hurt, and pain to be overcome, but now that God as in the picture, it was not only possible, but would happen.

Phillip