What is an Avoidant Personality??

Since I have put my condition out there for everyone to see, I thought it might be a good idea to post on what an Avoidant Personality is.

There is lots of info on there on what it is to be an Avoidant. All you have to do is Google it. Here is a pretty good web site on it.

But what you won't find on most of these web sites is what it means to be one. What is it like to live, eat, and breathe as an Avoidant.

Basically, an Avoidant Personality is one that avoids relationships because because they don't know how to deal with them. The small things that most of you take for grantite are completely foreign to an Avoidant. Things like:

How to start a conversation
How to stop a conversation
How to approach someone to be friends
How to approach someone to ask for a date
What to do with your hands while you are talking
and on and on it goes

The funny thing is, that on my good days, you might never know I am an Avoidant. Even on my bad days, I can fool ya. I have gotten very good at hiding my condition. I can even fool professionals. I am really that good.

Its a bit like being 2 different people. On my good days, when I feel halfway normal, I am the good Christian Pastor. On my bad days, when the Avoidant is in full swing, I am so far gone, I am barely here.

I have had days when i felt completely disconnected. On these days, Its like watching a movie. There is someone else carrying out my life and all I can do is watch them. I am floating off in the distance somewhere,

I have lived this way for so long, that I really have no idea what its like to be "Normal". People scare me. Everyone frightens me including my wife. I fear all authority figures. When I am with people I cower, I don't look at them in the eye. I feel like everyone is superior to me. I feel like everyone is out to get me. Even kids are better than me.

I was diagnosed with this when I was in the Military. I went to a shrink and she diagnosed me with this disorder. I do have good days, which you will also read in my blog.I do have a few days when I feel almost good. Days when I can talk and relate to people. But the vast majority of days and ones that I can't function as a normal member of society. My life is filled with things that don't make sense.

I was told in the military that I would never meet a woman much less get married. Well, I got married, but being an Avoidant is a high challenge. When we fight, as all couples do, I just give in, I cower and won't speak up or fight back like a normal person would.

I just go to my corner and pout.

My job is to talk on the phones all day. Something that I hate with a passion. I don't like talking to people at all and really hate talking on the phone.

But in all of this, God gives me the straight to go on and even do good. I am a Pastor, which is beyond weird. I don't even like people, but yet I do like people, and this is what being a Pastor is all about.

So back to what it is to be an Avoidant. They should rename this disorder to Life Avoiders. Because that is really what it is. I avoid life and all costs.

Its an extreme form of social anxiety. its an extreme form of depression. Some days, its an extreme form of multiple personalities, Its just extreme!








This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also srtuggling with this disorder or another like it.http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com