Today, I have lunch scheduled with the Pastor of the Church that I attend. I really don't want to go, but I am going to force myself. The avoidant in me hates authority figures. I cower around them. I pray that today when I go, God will give me the strength to overcome to Avodiant in me. I no longer call myself an Avoidant. I say that its the Avoidant in me. It sounds better. Plus there is power in our words. If you call yourself an Avoidant, you will live that out. If you call yourself a dummy you will be that. If you cal yourself a good person that just a issue with Adoidant, you will live that out. See what I mean?

God created the world and universe with nothing but his words. We have that same power. We can create or destroy with our words. Its a choice that each of us have to make. Weather we are going to let the Avoidant master us or we will master it. I choose the later. With God's help, I am not an Avoidant. I am a person with Avoidant issues that will be overcome in time.

I used to love to watch "The Prisoner". It is an old english series about a man that decided he didn't want to be a secret agent anymore. But someone wanted to know what he knew, so they kidnapped him and took him to this place called "The Village". The entire series is made up of plots by someone (that we don't know and never find out who it is) to get information out of him. This village is composed of a lot of others as well that all have numbers. Patrick McGooha's (The prisoner) line at the start of each episode is "I am not a number, I am a free man!"

Everyone having numbers, in this village, was a way of removing their identity. Patrick was stating that he refused this lack of identity and that he is not a number, he is a free man.

So I am refusing to take on this identity and stating the same thing. "I am not an Avoidant, I am a free normal person that has an issue that I am, with God's help, working through on a daily basis."

When I scheduled the lunch time with the Pastor, the intention was to come out of the closet. See that blog on coming out. But now, I am scared. My desire is to find others that are Aviodants and have similar issues and help them work through it. Its an extremely tuff thing to do, but I believe that anyone can find their way out of this. But its going to take help. I am not there yet either.

But I do believe that I will get there someday. In the meantime, I want to find others that have this and issues like them and try to help.

I have no idea how my lunch with the Pastor will go. I am praying that I will have strength.

This is my log of my issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also struggling with this disorder and others like it. I have set up a survey on AvPD. Click here to take it. I am trying to get more information on this disorder so that we can find commonalities. Perhaps if we can learn more about this, we can figure out how to combat it and get better lives for us all.