Day 1 - Gota start some time, right?

Ya know. Living with a disorder is funny. I almost feel as though Im being judged now after years of judging others. Ive never given any slack to people that use things in their past as crutches and excusees. Excusess like, "I could not help killing all those people Judge. My dad beat me every single day when I was young, so I just cant help myself.  Its not my fault, its my dads."

I still hold the position that the past in not an excuse. If you kill someone, its your fault. You cant use your past as an excuse and expect to get away with a crime like Killing. There must always be consequences to our actions.

But......now I feel as though I can have compassion towards people like this. I can feel that way because I now have a disorder to deal with. I know its not logical to be scared of people. I know its not logical to think every minute of every day that everyone is better than me. I know in my head that I have value and worth. I know even from what God says about me that I am a child of God and Im a wonderful creation.

But that just is not enough! Just because its not logical does not matter one little bit. In the military, in Correctional Custody (CC), I was told that I was worthless, I would never amount to anything and many other wonderful things. As hard as I try, I cannot shake that. The fact that its not logical just does not help me at all. Oh well, there is always tomorrow, right?



This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also srtuggling with this disorder or another like it.

http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/ (Still under Construction)