Week 2 - God, the VA, and Avoidant Personality Disorder

Friday I go back to the VA for my 2nd evaluation. I was there last week where I was evaluated by a Physociologist. Friday, its a full fleged shrink. The interview is supposed to last 2 hours. The VA is trying to determine if I should receive a disability rating for my personality disorder. I opened the claim way back in 1986 just shoflty after I got out of the Air Force.

Their position is that I was born with the Avoidant Personality Disorder. My position is that I dont know if I was born with it or not. But even if so, what happened to me while I was in the military made it far worse than it would have ever been otherwise. Also, because of how bad my disorder has become, I cant hold a normal job. I currenlty work at home, which I do well at. I do well at this job cause I dont have to see or socialize with anyone. Working at home, there is a barier and comfort in not having to see anyone face to face.

In other jobs Ive worked out where I go to a regular office with people, I fail. I have a hard time communicating with people, I fear authority and in general, just feel like everyone is better than me. This just does not work well in a normal office environment. Especially, when you are the supervisor. It makes it real hard to supervise people that you feel inferior to them. I feel as though my career path and income has been greatly stifled by the depth of my disorder, which is a result of the abuse I took in the military.

After I filed my claim way back on 87, I was denied. I had appealed and that was denied as well. I had decided to forget about it. Especially since there was nothing I could do about it anyway. Then one day, about 3 weeks ago, I received a notice from the VA that they had made a mistake and the claim was being reopened. I even asked the VA about the reopening and they said that this just does not happen.

So I decided that this just might be God and I should let him work if he was up to something. I went to me first interview and Friday, I go to the 2nd. Then I wait again for God and the VA to go to work. The claim will either be approved or denied. If it gets approved, I will finally be able to go to the VA and see doctors for this and get some help at no charge.

Why I feel that the Air Force made a mess of me is another story worthy of a seperate entry. I will update in here as soon as I know whats going on.




This is my log of my day to day issues with living to Avoidant Personality Disorder. My hope is that in writing this, it will help myself and perhaps others that are also srtuggling with this disorder or another like it.

http://www.AvoidantPersonality.com